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Ok so I have a long complicated history with this guy. Pretty much been on and off for the past 5 years. I'm really stressed about our relationship now, because I thought that we were at a good place, and it's a long distance relationship. Since I thought about this I tried to ask him to think about moving in together in the fall, before I start my next stint of nursing clinical and he gets into his final year of his masters degree. We had jokingly talked about owning an apartment together so I thought that that was us shyly opening up to the idea - I guess not. Because what happened next was a total freak out from him. We've been fighting for days and he won't do anything but text me and I feel like im freaking out. I have a history of anxiety and depression, so I find it hard to cope and calm down and really like be patient and understanding. He has now decided we are on drastically different pages, that I'm moving too fast. And now he has come up with this term that I'm not his girlfriend but were dating. Which makes no sense to me. He's thrown things out there now like "we don't have a strong foundation" because we were never just friends. I personally think that that doesn't have to be before you are boyfriend and girlfriend (to use his terms), but I think that it develops though the relationship. So then I asked him to come see me and it seemed like he was completely uninterested, and actually appalled that I would have even asked that because he has "so much going on", with no Job??? I don't feel respected and I've communicated that heavily. I feel like were losing our connection but maybe that's the anxiety?? I'm really upset because I love this guy and I'm in love with this guy but I don't know if thats enough because he thinks of our relationship so differently than I do and I take it much more seriously than he does. Is this a thing that people go through at this age maybe? I'm 22, he's 24 we lived on the same floor as freshman, that's how we met. Am I crazy for questioning things? Were both trying to figure things out and he's so okay with not being on the phone all the time and everything over texts sent 40 minutes apart and so okay with not seeing each other and I do everything I can to desperately see him. Is this my anxiety creeping in?! Someone please help.
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talk to him calmly, that's the only thing you can do. remind him of those 5 years of togetherness(cuz that's a lot, and losing those 5 years feels like shit). today's valentines day too, talk about your love for him, ask him if he still feels the same for you. long distance relationships are difficult(i am in one now) and the key to maintain them is trust, honesty, effective communication(which u both have to work upon) and love. check where things are going wrong, and try to make them right, but with him, you aren't there in this alone, you have him, ask him if he wants the relationship to work out, and maybe give him some time, cuz he has his career too, ask him about him, what he wants to do, get his opinions, there must be a mutual decision.
hugs <3
Replythanks for the reply. It's nice to know other people are going through the same thing. This is my first time on here. Do you think theres always mutual ground to come to?
Replyyes, there's always a mutual decision. if you or he is the only one deciding things in your relationship then the relationship is going south
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