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I've been thinking for a very long time to write, but I didn't know how to start or where.
I looked up on google and I found myself here.
My writing will be more like a kid explaining his story, so my apologies about that.
Lets just start from the end, I am a 26 yrs old girl that has been diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago.
My life is a mess, I could say I live in denial and I cannot link to the real world.
I work a tiring job; 6 days a week for 11 hrs, I enjoy it but still it's hectic.
My parents are divorced, I live with my dad and grandma, but I'm always in my room.
I have issues with taking decisions or seeing all the point of views in any situation I'm in, which leads that I take impulsive decisions and say things I don't mean.
I've reached a point in my life that I don't give a damn about anything around me especially my parents because I don't get from them what I need, and it's so hard to accept that, and once small tiny thing from them happens it just makes everything worse.
I'd prefer to go out with work colleagues and not my friends, because I disappear a lot and don't text or call, and every time I go out with them they start picking up on me and I hate it and also I need to get out of the same topics we talk about.
Another issue, that I always get attracted to the wrong guys because I feel that I can help them and love grows, but I always fuck it up; either because I think too much, or my feelings change which actually happened. That doesn't mean they're bad, but I keep looking for how I wanted to be not the reality. Also, I have a very bad memory, I forget lots of stuff that happened recently. So I live in Egypt and I hate it, and get treatment here is not that good, I tried lots of psychiatrists and DBT here sucks. I take meds on my own, yes I know its wrong but I do. Also, I planning to leave soon and find another job abroad, because actually staying here makes it worse.
That's it for now, I hope I can get replies because I'm tired of everything and getting attached to people cuz no one get it.
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