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I always wished I would be in are relationship that my partner would be obsessed with me. Not the controlling obsessive abusive dynamics, but like obsessed in a way where once we left each other they would miss me and would be so excited to see me again. The kind of obsessed where I would talk about my interests or accomplishments and they would sit and would be so excited to listen and cheer me on. The kind of obsessed where during the day they would want to call me and check in to see how I am doing. The kind off obsessed where I physically saw their effort and love. Little surprises, spending time, not wanting that time to end, the I want to marry and spend my entire life with you obsessed. I don’t have that. I put so much into the person I love. They are my everything. I do everything in my power to make them feel wanted, important, at peace. I put my all. I thought the person I fell in love with would want to do the same. At the moment it’s not the case. My partner loves me I know, but do they love me the way I love them? No. is that their fault? No. Everyone who is important in their life they treat that way. I understand that, but it still hurts. Maybe I thought I would make an impact, maybe I thought id be different. I don’t know why I invent these fairy tale scenarios in my head. Life does not work like that. It’s been five years, and I still have to suggest what kind of present I want to my partner, while I know instantly what they would want and love. I don’t know if my partner is emotionally capable of feeling the way I do. We wouldn’t know. We have been the only two the other has dated since we were 16. I love them. So much. There is no one I feel more comfortable around. They are my best friend. If that’s the case, why do I still feel so heart broken. They don’t treat me bad. Never cheated. They just don’t treat me the way I thought id be treated. Maybe I am over thinking it, maybe I am not. I just know at this very moment I feel broken. I am getting my life together in every other aspect and yet I feel like my heart and mind are being ripped and crumbled.
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I can relate with this deeply, as I am sure a lot can. The only difference, is that you were brave enough to write it "out loud." Maybe speak with your partner about the void you are feeling. There are different types of love languages and sometimes they are misread and miscommunicated. That in return feels empty on our end. I hope this helps! Hang in there!
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