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I have been feeling down lately, I don’t know what else to do so I’m here typing. Yesterday I realized that my true emotions came out at work, and I feel guilty for letting them get to me. I told my managers off, but of course I’m still under appreciated. I’ve never felt fire come out of my ears at work, my heart racing. I felt like they opened the inner evil inside of me, which I did not want provocative. I was just doing my job and going about my day. I feel like I’m to blame along with my coworker, but also the snitch ass manager. I feel like I’m holding this anger against them, and I’m also terrified they’ll retaliate against me. I wish I could simply be in a job where I am appreciated, not treated like a cheap worker. I feel like it’s hard nowadays in retail to find something that will appreciate you. Maybe I’m just whining, but I will say.. it feels good. I feel like I cracked so hard at work, I know I can be outraged and I don’t like the fact that I am that way. I think I’m bottling too much up and I can’t think of how to rid of that dirt inside of me. I don’t feel like I’m normal, I feel like I’m nothing most times and very unintelligent. I don’t understand why am I this way when I’m upset. I feel like I carry on this weight when I’m upset and I can’t seem to resolve it. Should I be seeing someone professional? I think so, but I feel like no one CAN certainly help with my dilemma. I feel like I’m on my own resolving my problems, but I typically just throw my problems into a pocket and call it a day, by that I mean taking a nap, listening to depressing music, binge watching shows on Netflix to escape my life. I don’t feel good enough for this world, why the hell am I even here? Why am I at college, I’m not good at school. Never have been in my life, I feel like a dumbass in comparison to other students, or not good enough. I might as well drop out and give my broke self and family a better life without me going to school. I’m no one to be going to school and dorming, I’m just another fucking brat. I can’t even be an artist, so there’s no reason I should continue with my career life.
But yeah, I hate Sundays and Mondays, and everyday. As dark as that sounds, that’s how I feel. I hope that one day I can break this barrier between myself and break through so I can realize my full potential.
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I understand everything you are feeling. I too have felt this way. Talking to someone might be a good way to relieve some of your frustrations so try to do that. Another thing is to find a hobby. A good one. Something to be passionate about. I play music. Music is my life. Whenever I feel frustrated, I play my drums. When I am sad, I play the piano. Find something. Or maybe, find a sport, or an activity. Aerobic exercise can help a lot with stressful stuff. You can get through this. You're not alone.
ReplyLets work on getting a new job? Where you can work with people and an environment you enjoy. I was once told that "warm shit feels good" the comfort of a steady and environment that you're used to might feel good but it might be shit for you. Keep the job you have for now but start looking without telling anyone. See where your credentials and experience can get you. You deserve to be happy.
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