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So I have a boyfriend of a little over a year now and the relationship started out great like everything was perfect. My parents loved him, we hung out a lot, it was great. BUT, since we are just starting high school our parents (mainly mine) are sort of cautious and overprotective of what we do and where we go. Back in November, we began to grow curious of each other and it grew to be out of hand. To the point where I was cautious about even leaving my phone around my parents. Then one day I came home with a hickey and everything just went downhill from there. My mom was not very happy with either of us but she said as long as we didn't do it again she wouldn't get his parents or my father involved. Unfortunately, she didn't stop there, she looked through my phone and didn't like what she saw. She cried for a while and as a child, it hurts to see your mom cry of disappointment because of something you did and because of a mistake you made. So now I'm basically under house arrest. I can't go anywhere unless its school or soccer or home and im not allowed to see him for a while out of school. Its been a month of being punished and she hasn't talked about it but things still don't seem right between me and my mother. My mom and I were very close. I told her everything about my life. From the latest tea of the school to my relationship, and now I'm even terrified to bring up his name to tell about an event that occurred. But my relationship with him has changed too. The conversations over the phone are just awkward and sad because we haven't seen each other outside of school in so long and that hurts a relationship so badly. But we are fighters and we are trying to work through it but I just don't know because at night my mom takes my phone so i have to text him via laptop and I can't talk to him very much because my mom is always trying to keep and eye on me now. He told me the whole situation scared him and changed him and ive started to notice from the way he ignores my facetime and even when he does answer i have to fight with him to show his face or even talk. Hes such a stubborn person to where its hard to talk to him about these types of things. Any advice?
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I'm going to be honest, this early in life it is really hard to have your own life. Autonomy with parents being over controlling is really hard. My mother is a narcissist. I discovered this at 29 years old. It has been the biggest, scariest thing to find out that I am not a horrible, useless person. My choices and my life were not the devil. That it was her anger and frustration that made me live and battle every day to keep my head above the water. I think you need to confide in your mother about how you are feeling and gauge her response. If she is angry and does not respond in a loving way, it may be wise to ask for therapy for both of you. Research on maternal narcissism. Also consider that she may have had a wonderful image of a perfect little girl, and your actions burst that bubble. It is hard to recover from that kind of bubble bursting in your life. When someone you thought you knew everything about pops up and does something completely unexpected.
ReplyThank you for the advice, but I do not believe my mom is a narcissist. She revolves her life around her children. I do believe that it is because she had this perfect image of a daughter and I ruined it because when she was crying to me she told me I lost all of her trust in me and that to her, it felt as if my innocence had been taken.
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