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I am writing this in an attempt to quietly vent some frustration. So, if you manage to find and read this please keep in mind that it was never meant of anyone’s eyes but my own and to take it for what it is worth.
Getting passed over for a person that has no history with a company that I have given three years of my life to is hard to say the least. It feels sort of like being deflated, like someone unplugged a cork in my psyche and all my motivation has come flooding out of my body. I was under the impression that I had more impact on the people that I work for and clearly, I have overestimated my importance. This experience has left me jaded and broken, even though my disability is most likely temporary. Dealing with rejection is a part of life and I am not new to this type of experience, but as the number of disappointments I experience grows I lose just a little more faith that I will be able to “succeed” in this world.
“It’s just business” is both a term of sense and heartlessness, a two-sided coin that is weighted to always end up showing heads. When the time comes to decide, many factors are considered such as; experience, education, physical aptitude, etc., while others such as; loyalty, determination, teach-ability, etc., often go overlooked. Logic in this situation favors the former factors as they require the least amount of work to implement. However, the ladder has already proven to be trustworthy and capable. Even though the ladder would more than likely rise to the occasion and excel the decision still falls to the former. It is not justice, it is not fair, it’s just business.
Emotions are something to be kept as far away from your profession as you can manage. No matter how much a decision may hurt or upset you, outbursts can not be allowed to escape. Distraction has always been my method of choice, however, at times you are forced to deal with a situation that can not be forgotten or set aside. When this happens there is no cure for the sinking feeling in your gut other than time and perseverance. I always used to wonder why people would turn to self-medication, but now I see that it is just an attempt at making the doubt and depression bearable. I fear there is no escape.
Condolences are bystander’s way of relieving guilt. While not directly responsible they know that they could have done more. The misconception is that anyone person is to blame when the system is at fault. “There will be other opportunities…” is a quote that I find ironic considering that the opportunity in question has only reared its head one time in the past 3 years. While I do appreciate the sentiment, it is painful to be reminded of my failure. Even more so when I am made to watch another reap the rewards. I know that I should be the bigger man, but it is difficult not to be bitter about the situation.
People shouldn’t set unfair expectations and people should say what they mean and mean what they say. There is nothing more disappointing than rising to a challenge under the impression that there will be gold at the end of their rainbow just to be thrown aside when it’s time to cash in. I am not sure why people are consistently less than honest when there is no reason for it. It is nothing less than childish to promise something to someone, let them do the work, and then turn around and reward someone else. Again… I can’t help but be bitter. I only hope that I have the strength to contain myself until I have time to heal from this blow.
-Just another underappreciated Employee
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