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The memories that define a person’s youth are generally characterized as something full of joy, pleasure, and a bit of trouble. If only this was true for me.
My childhood was that of a troubled kid who did not know why he acted the way he did, he kinda just lived by the moments. He lashed out a lot when people were being unjust, most of the time it was physical. He felt so alone, even in the circumstance of being around others, actually that’s when he felt worse. He didn’t realize then but he never had any true friends, he had people he knew, that tolerated him and people that feared him. His only place of true happiness came from the baseball and soccer fields.
When he got older soccer faded
Baseball swallowed by the abyss of sorrow and deception
He realizes his entire life he’s been fighting a losing battle
For happiness
For faith
To be heard
To be loved
To matter
Helpless
Worthless
these words dance in his mind with all the thoughts associated
Death, suicide, disappear
All end in my faiths final say
All that’s left are these writings
To say what I could never
Say that I tried to get better
But people misunderstood
They judged
They belittled
They left
I am the one and only
To be so full of hope and to feel so empty
Hope, guilt, desire, oppression, depression, slave to my malignant thoughts
They over take my actions
I wish I could say sorry in person
But the guilt, the shame, the fear, the sadness all too much to deal especially when I feel no one understands
When you fall in love with someone who is just like you and wants to die
You both try to convince the other that the other is better than themselves
But to be honest I've been damned since day one
Why’d I put down the knife
At the will of Jillian Gonzales
I should’ve plunged it through to make people see that actions
No matter how small has consequences
Overlooked by all understood by one
Can rely on none
One day one of the two of us will be dead and the other will either live to remember the wishes of the other
Or they will follow suit and kill them self too
My childhood wasn’t a great one
It did teach me that people suck, and if you truly want to feel accepted don’t be an ass like everyone else
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I like the story telling in your poetry. I read it both ways, but lean towards showing a separation where you talk about finding someone. As in, where it starts with "When you fall in love with someone...", that bit could start with a gap from the beginning bit
ReplyThx for the comment and I agree
ReplyBtw this is mine but I didn’t post it under my account, I accidentally posted it under anonymous.
Reply