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I usually (and don’t get me wrong I completely get it like 100% ) hear people in the community talking about how amazing is to be or feel hypomanic, whereas for me since I have to have control over everything’s means hell. I would like to put it into worlds in the best way but I don’t know how to describe it. I obviously like that feeling cause I am proactive blah blah, but for me there are some serious wrong side, like overthinking which makes me want to take my head and throw it away, so many thoughts, ideas, things to do, it’s crazy. It makes me impulsive. It makes me feel like high in a adrenaline way. And I don’t know how to take all this things I don’t understand if they are good or bad. I hate the fact that for example I overthink my emotions constantly while hypomanic because I wonder “am I faking them?”. If I’m out with somebody and I’m hypomanic that day every laugh, every moment I pass it wondering”am I really feeling it or it’s hypomania?” And this thought goes on and on for the day. Then there are those weeks in which I’m hypomanic for like 5 days and when I’m stable (which I crave to be like hell) I am like “oh I’m stable, I don’t want to be stable I want my hypomania back” than I get hypomanic and I’m bothering again and like this on and on with hypomania and depression on and on and it’s stressful. Another point is me forgetting about it, there has been times in which I was hypomanic and unaware of that, did some stuff that was because of that but I don’t remember it. I forget every hypomanic day, if I have to track my mood I have to do that at the end of the day because tomorrow for me will be just like “oh I don’t remember how I felt yesterday anymore”. Do we want to talk about the urge to cut off and bring on new or old people in your life as your brain turns on and off? Cause sometimes I feel this big urge to scream from the top of my lungs like can you please understand me?
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As long as it doesn't turn into psychosis. Don't take anti depressants.
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