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I have jealousy problems. Well, usually I'm not jealous. But, today, was when I did get jealous after a year of not feeling an ounce of jealousy. There's this slut, let's call her Christina, and she LOVES to flirt with boys. She also loves to interrupt my science teacher when she's teaching by walking in and telling her the latest drama. Oh, everyone in that class ADORES her. I, obviously, don't. I didn't really care about her, ya' know? She was just some pretty girl that came by to say hi to her former teacher, not that much of a big deal. Just very annoying when you want to learn. Well, today, I saw something I wish I didn't. I was hanging out with my friend, Venn, and just chatting with her about how adorable Ryan (not his actual name, just the name that came to mind lol) is when I turn to look at him. This slutty girl walks up to him, and hugs him, which then he hugged her back. I remember the dread that filled me, I wanted to leave the area immediately, not caring about the fact that the bell that rings for me to go to class didn't ring. I wanted out. I watched Christina leave, and I went to get my stuff, which so happens to be where Ryan was standing. I went and grabbed my stuff, knowing he was watching me, but I didn't care. The bell rang, and I walked away, not even telling my friends goodbye. My friends were confused, but didn't stop me. I went to my class, and entered class. We had to work with our partners today, and I barely talked to him. Since this was my guy bestfriend, he asked what was wrong, and I wrote about what happened. I felt stupid, but I've been so scared ever since I fell for Ryan. I knew it would hurt if he didn't feel what I felt back, as I've felt this before. This has happened three other times. The first time, I had a crush called Katelyn. I adored her, loved her, thought she was the greatest thing in my life, and back then, she was. Then, my arch-enemy, Adrain, gave her a ring and asked to be her boyfriend, in front of the class, and she said yes. That was my first heartbreak. The second one was when I had a crush on a guy called Gabriel. Gabriel was very popular, and was very kind and funny. But then, the girl who bullied me came along and she tried to date him. Of course, she dated him. I didn't care too much, but it still stung. The third one was the one that hit the hardest though. The third one, I had a crush on a guy called Daniel. Daniel was, what younger me called "so imperfect that he's perfect". He was so kind, until Gabriel came along and took the caring, nurturing, kindness and made him into a little devil. Daniel flirted with me throughout that year, but also told people that I was crazy, selfish, weird, ugly, disgusting, creepy, stalkerish, if you can name it, he called me it. I had so many people caring about me, yet he hated me. I later learned my former best friend dated him, and told him all the things I told her, from how adorable he is to how I wanted to date him so badly. It broke me emotionally and mentally. I didn't want to go through that again, but life never loved me enough to make me not suffer (Ps.I wrote on another post how I met Ryan, if you wanna learn, search "Am I Crazy" and click the second post). So, because of my past, I'm terrified of having my heart broken again by another "nice" person. I wish I never fell for Ryan, but he makes me so happy. I feel so lovestruck, and I hate it, because I know he'll probably fall for Christina. Doesn't help my name is literally one letter off from her name. I'm just so scared. Thankfully, my friends understood, my teacher didn't send me to the counselors, and my day ended pretty good. Unfortunately, Christina kinda ruined the last period though, since she decided to show up. Apparently, people are calling her a "thot". I usually don't like to think negatively of people, but I thought it described her, and I was glad I wasn't the only one who thought like that. Who knows, maybe I'm just being stupid or emotional, but that doesn't make my feelings go away.
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ReplySmiley face??
Replyyup
ReplyWhy smiley face?
ReplyChristine, if I font this dude ima smack him. NO ONE hurts my friends!!
ReplyLmao, cinnamon no. Ryan is a good dude UwU
ReplyHey I get where you are coming from. I really do. When you get hurt that many times, it changes you a bit. But you gotta give Ryan a chance. If possible maybe even tell him that there is something bothering you?
I’m sorry if this doesn’t really help or change anything. But for me I just believe that we need to talk about our problems. That’s the only way to get through them. I mean what’s the alternative? You hurt yourself by worrying and ending something before anything even happens, so that no one else can hurt you? how is that a better option?
All I’m asking in the end is, just think about it? Whoever and whatever this girl is, do you trust ryan? If you do then that’s that. If you don’t then is he even worth all the trouble?
ReplyThank you, I'll use your advice in the future if I ever get over my shyness
Reply