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My husband and I have been married a year and a half. We had our beautiful daughter 9 weeks ago. Before she was born our schedule was not my favorite but I figured it would change once she came because you adjust to babies. Before we’d sleep until noon and then my husband would get up go to work and not be home until 10 or 11 at night. Once he was home he’d tell me he loves me then go to his game. He’d put on his headset not listen to anything I have to say and then come crawling into bed close-to 3am. I never really liked it and it wasn’t always like that somewhere along the way it became our new Normal and I hated it we fought more about it then anything else. I figured it would be different once our daughter was here. I figured he’d stop playing so much and help me. I figured because of how excited to be a dad he was that he’d want to spend more time with her or want to spend less time on the games. My priorities shifted so much once she was born everything I do revolves around her and her needs. But nothing changed if he’s awake before when he has to leave for work around 1:30 he’s on the games and he’s not spending time with us. He leaves for work at 1:30pm and doesn’t get home till 10-11 come home sometimes doesn’t even kiss me carries our daughter downstairs for me puts her in her swing and gets on his games and puts his head set on. If I try to talk to him he says he can’t hear me or acts irritated that I’m talking to him. All I want to do is talk to him and have him spend time with me like he use to I want him to be goofy with me like he use to but instead he plugs into the game after I’ve been home taking Care of our newborn daughter who by the way had horrible reflux and colic and isn’t easy by any means. And then I think it’s okay I can just try to stay awake until 3am and talk to him when he comes to bed and spend some time with him then but I can’t because he waits to get off until he’s so tired he can’t even keep his eyes open during a full sentence I say to him so conversations or taking about my day are off the table. I’m just so exhausted and so overwhelmed. I’m sad all the time. I love him more then anything and he’s my soulmate I couldn’t live this life without him but my heart aches for him to want to spend this time with me like he use to. My heart is aching for him to want me like he use to because I feel so discarded and pushed to the side right now. I’m so insecure and self conscious that I don’t even know how to tell him all this because I’m such a people pleaser I just want to make him happy and the games and the schedule he’s on clearly makes him happy but my heart is aching for more time with him. I miss my husband and he’s here with me and I miss him. I just want him to want to spend time with me and I want him to want to surprise me and take me out I just want him to want me like he use to. I just wish I could grow a pair and learn to tell him this.
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I understand the difficulty of the situation because I put people and their needs in front of me first too. But that messed me up because believe it or not, it will going to be tearing you apart in ways you cant even imagine and that will lead a worse outburst one day. I really can see how you love him, respect him and this is literally adorable but you can't go on like this. It sucks because you know you are the only one who can get up and make him talk to you by telling him how hurt you are. Maybe he is quite oblivious about what he is doing to you.. Or there is something more to this. Only way to find out is that you seriously tell him that he needs to sit on his ass for a moment to listen you.. I think you are caring mother and wife,also a strong woman. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do that for that innocent little baby girl who deserves both of her parents with her.. You can do this :)
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