I've been gas-lit into taking medications my entire life.

Growing up, my parents were emotionally, physically, and psychologically abusive. They were controlling, narcissistic, and restrictive.

I wasn't allowed to leave my block, even at the age of 13. We were home-schooled. This means that I saw people (outside my family) maybe once every few weeks.

One night, I was depressed and the junior high guys there had been mean to me at church. I was sad, so I stayed in bed. My dad came in, ordered me to go to church. When I said no, he dragged me out of bed physically. That's when I started fighting my parents.

I would kick, hit, and anything else to get them to leave me alone and stop abusing me.

My parents convinced their friends and everyone at church that I had a mental illness.

My mother researched "bipolar" and apparently decided it for me.

My parents took me to therapists, who tried to tell them to change the way they parented me.

Instead, my parents said that the therapists were wrong.

Eventually, my parents found a doctor who would prescribe me with enough medication for a grown adult.

I was given numerous medications that made me sick.

I ended up on four different medications... Some anti-psychotic, some anti-seizure medications.

In the highest doses possible.

This was all in high school.

I am now 30 years old.

Over the last few years, I left home and started healing. I began talking to a therapist who questioned my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.

This month I decided to get a second opinion from a new psychiatrist. She said that I have no qualifications for Bipolar Disorder. She called the owner, another Psych doctor, who agrees. They say I've been completely sedated for 15 years. She says that my amount of medication is concerning. It is also concerning that my old psychiatrist does not use insurance, but cash or card in order to make payments for his doctor visits. My new doc says that she wouldn't even prescribe the amount of medication I'm on, to someone in a psychiatric hospital. She says this is especially true for someone with no symptoms and someone fully functioning.

She explained that there still should be a sign of Bipolar in my life. Even though I'm on medication, I would still display symptoms. BUT IM NOT DISPLAYING THE SIGNS FOR BIPOLAR...

So I don't seem to have this mental illness. My new doc also explained that the rapid cessation of these medications in the past has actually CREATED PSYCHOSIS, which then was used by my OLD doctor to confirm the need for the same medication. My new doc says that if I go off of my medication slowly, it won't be so bad.

I have been in shock for the last 2 days dealing with this. My sister confirms that I was gas-lit into believing I was mentally ill by my abusive parents. I need support, I need to vent, and I need a safe space to deal with all of this.

Thank you for listening, please post if you have dealt with abuse, especially if it's mental, emotional, psychological...

I have no other words right now.