What are you looking for?
when you start to see past all the illusions
5 months ago · · Breakup,
2019 seems like the year of unveilings for the whole collective humanity.
including myself, I can sense it in the media, too.
there's transparency, but are we actually equipped and ready to accept all there is?
even in my family, I am starting to feel stuck.
I see where all the arguments arise from, childhood trauma - codependency - narcis--
I can't get myself to unsee and unfeel what I sense.
I have to blast music with no lyrics to just be able to breathe.
Is this sensitivity appropriate and normal? Do you find yourself in the same dilemma, if so, how do you adjust to it? How do you mute the things you don't want to see or feel? Is this in itself an illness? Is this a mental illness?
I also realized that my ex of 4 years used me, for his college papers, for safety when he comes out to a new city, for companionship he couldn't find in others. he left me because he used me up.
Am I mental to think and feel this way, but isn't this what's really going on?
Behind all the curtain and layers of pleasing others and seeing the best in everyone, I am left with the truth, that I am playing a role, a set of expectations others have in their heads of what I embody.
It is only when they leave that I realize this.
It is only when I live in a different environment I am able to see so clearly what has been happening.
Then this brings me to the question: am I supposed to live in the mountains and live as a monk to be free from humanity--humanity that seeks approval and belonging at the cost of others' truths?
Did he even love me, or the qualities that I embodied? That I went to a good school? His new gf went to the same school and looks like me, is this some sick joke?
can I please unsee and unfeel what I do, please, how do I shut my mind off.
how do I shut it off.
I've been traveling, I've been expressing myself through music.
I've been trying it all, but my mind constantly brings me back to the illusions that I once thought were real, and I begin to be skeptical of those around me.
Is this PTSD?
help me please