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Life feels meaningless. Joy & Happiness are fleeting & temporary, they come & go as the breezing wind... Here one moment, gone the next. You know what stays? Sadness, anger, frustration, grief, depression, anxiety, panic, fear, hopelessness, bitterness. These are constants in my life. Can't really trust anyone, not even myself. Even my own children become my enemy at times. I had them to be my greatest allies. Failed, miserably. I feel alone, completely & utterly alone, because we all truly are. Sometimes I feel ready to depart this world, & leave all these physical "damages" behind & free my soul from this earthly body, trapped inside, suffering & tormented. When evil wins, and triumphs over me, this is what it feels like. I'm already living a hell on earth, but inside of me. I don't know how to release it. I feel inadequate as a parent, unprepared & unskilled. I had children for my own selfish reasons... to have someone to love me, unconditionally. And when they were babies, I felt that love & peace, & it was wonderful, heavenly. But then they grow up & are no longer babies. Then what? I am so hurt and angry beyond comprehension. I am lost & wounded & vulnerable. I feel there will never be a better life for me because I am destined to be stuck living out this torment... & to be aware of this, is even more excruciating. Is this sanity? How can it be so? When everything seems to be going bad, I feel "at home." Fighting these feelings, is useless, I might as well accept my fate, loneliness, suffering, abandonment, misery... how can I hope for something I've never felt for more than an instant, when it feels undeserving, to me. I am not the only one suffering, and I envy those who are happy, who have never felt unloved, who have always felt a sense if belonging & family was their comfort, safety & security. These are foreign entities to me. Maybe, I'm not of this planet... I no longer want answers or solutions, I just want this to end
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yeah I don't really see the meaning in life anymore I hate my life I wish I hade some one to talk to but no one will I feel like I'm always behind a mask every day I hate my life and I hate my self for being me I don't know if anyone in the world can help me I always right in anger I never right in happiness and if I tried it would never work I'm built with anger nothing else and sometimes I wish I was dead then I wouldn't have to deal with all this anger but now I'm learning to live with it I'm starting to like it anger is what gets me through the day 😈
ReplyI read somewhere that spiritual warfare caused by demons wreaking havoc on weakened spirits like ours, cause a lot of this negativity... they feed off it
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