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I feel depressed today.
Im tired.
I haven’t been able to do my homework that my therapist gave me.
I feel guilty.
I feel selfish.
That’s what everyone says that i am.
Everyone says that I’m selfish.
I don’t know, they’re probably right.
Maybe I should just suck it up and stop being like this.
There are people with far worse problems than me.
Like the world doesn’t revolve around me. There are other people too with worse issues. And what are they doing? At least not this.
I’m over here locked in my room.
Afraid to go out.
I’m afraid.
My mind feels like it’s going to explode.
I feel rude, impolite.
Everyone says that I am.
Even my friends think it’s rude that I can’t come to certain events with them because of my anxiety.
They think it’s rude when i have to leave the room once in a while to get some time to myself.
They think it’s rude when I don’t always feel like talking.
I’ve tried to tell them.
But they don’t understand.
Im afraid to lose them.
I don’t have anybody else.
Maybe, they’re right.
Maybe i am just selfish.
Maybe im just acting childish.
Maybe I should just grow up.
I feel this guilt all of the time.
Why am i this way?
Think about how much money and time my parents would save if I weren’t like this.
I feel so guilty.
Like the hundreds of dollars that goes into therapy.
I feel the guilt, all of the time.
Im afraid of the future.
I just hope I’ll be happy again.
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Sadly, depression will do this to you. And honestly, nothing I say will probably make you feel different, and that's okay. Struggling is okay. You're not selfish, or acting childish, because you are suffering. It's okay to be afraid, to not know what to do. It's okay to have bad days, to have days where you feel you can't do anything. As someone who also struggled(s) with depression, I know. It's hard, and sometimes you don't even wanna try to feel better. However, with how happy I am now, how grateful I am to still be living, I promise you, it's worth it to recover. Keep your head up, my friend. :)
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