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I'm almost 24 and I've never had a real job. I've almost constantly been someone's babysitter (usually a family members) but recently the person I babysat for suddenly stopped contacting me. He's a friend of my mom's so there's been a tiny bit of communication through her. Mostly just him saying he was still going to have me babysit for him or he just took his kid with him that day or his daughter has him for the day and it's been a few weeks (maybe a month at this point I'm not sure). The main reason I've never had a job before now is anxiety. I'm not good around people. I get flustered and embarrassed over tiny things and I'll think about bad interactions for days and I think I've used the fact that people have needed me to babysit as an excuse not to get a job. And now that I've left it so long its even worse than before because now I worry about being asked why I haven't had a job or been to college or anything and I don't have a good answer for that.
Also related but kind of unrelated and probably crazy of me but I've started having anxiety about background checks now. I was curious what all they look at and it was talking about social media and stuff and one thing said you should search your name into certain websites and see what they have and one of them said there's 2 court cases on mine (I didnt pay to get the full report because I don't have a card so idk what exactly it says) but I've only ever been to court for one thing when I was a minor (so would that even show up?) and it was in a different city than I'm in now. Also I have a lot of really embarrassing stuff on old accounts but they are connected to e mail addresses that don't exist anymore so I can't even get into them. I don't think they're gonna look at my booksie account from like 2007 but part of my mind keeps saying they will. And now I just had a thought of omg the messages I sent boys years ago which Ik is crazy and they don't see your private messages (I would hope at least) but sometimes I need someone to actually confirm things even if Ik I'm right or my brain won't leave it alone. Also (have I said that a lot?) A while ago, like a few months I think, I completely deleted my facebook account because I didnt use it and it gave me anxiety anyway so I figured there was no point in even keeping it but something else I read says it looks bad if you don't have social media like you have something to hide or you're bad with social media or you don't care or something. I have a twitter that I think I got into once and I dont have the e-mail to anymore. I have another Facebook account but it's just there to connect games to because for some reason I was self conscious about connecting my games? It doesn't make sense to me now but I was worried if I used my main account people would see it post about a game or something and then would want to try to talk to me but I was never on there so then there would be no reply from me. Idk but this account doesn't actually have any friends on it or anything. Would it be good to make a facebook or twitter now? Or would that look just as weird? Also related but kind of unrelated (again) do you think trying to get on social media would help a little with the anxiety? Like maybe if I at least followed people I watch on YouTube or something? Idk thats sounds dumb now that I've typed it out. It's always been something I've been self conscious about though. Idk what else to say sorry if this makes no sense or is weird or if I sound like a complete lunatic.
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ReplyHey! Just take deep breaths things will be okay. I think you should talk to your mom about seeing someone to talk to about your anxiety. It’ll help. When ever you get these thoughts just take deep breathes. Have a good evening and remember things will be okay :)
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