why

so my relationship with my family has been so tensed lately, i don't know if they feel the same but at least i really feel that. because of my family (especially my mom) i always have negative feelings, very low self-esteem, i cried every night thinking about killing myself (that sounds too much lol but that really happens) and stuffs like that. So one day i got this feeling, that i missed my family together, you know, being a happy family and others. so i cried and i decided to go to my parents' room with intention to ask my mom to go shopping with me. i thought it would be a great idea for us to bond again. and a minute i got there, she started yelled and screamed to me. she blamed me for something that i didn't even know i did. and i can say she is a control freak. since i was a little, i always felt like a puppet. i can't decide anything by myself. all things have to be the exact thing she said. I'm tired. so i ran to my room that night and i laughed how dumb myself to decide to go to that room. i can't sleep all night and keep thinking about that. i still can't get over it until today.