My Unsent Letter

To the man who claimed my innocence,

15. I was 15 when you shattered my world apart. You imprisoned me in a never ending cycle of fear. I was a person, with dreams and ambitions, I wanted to go college and graduate uni with a teaching degree, I wanted to change the world for the better, I had hopes and aspirations to teach in an far away village, spurring on the children of tomorrow-helping them find their light and purpose in life.

But you stole my own light when you put your hands on me, when you dragged me away from my family, intending to hurt and abuse me, you raped my soul that night, you became my prison for the next few years. I still feel your calloused hands on my innocent skin, I still smell your sweat on my body, I still have nightmares of what you forced on me, I still wake up terrified that you've taken me again.

I lost myself when you did what you did, I had no dreams, I lost purpose in my life, I no longer chose life, I'd spend hours desperately scrubbing myself where you touched me, hoping to erase the feeling, it would leave my skin red and sore, beeds of blood would appear as my eyes would sting. And yet it wasn't enough, even without you, your presence lingered in my mind, chasing me to the brink of insanity till I toppled over and fell off the the cliff.

My worst fear was heights, now I have tasted real fear my heart is in my throat, I am not able to sleep at night, not able to get a job and thrive, not able to breathe and fight, not able to claim life... This life, my life.

So I started drinking, I'd drink the fear away, dazed I'd start a confrontation In my mind, I'd rip your hands off me, I'd string you up and watch you gag and fight for air wanting to make you feel how I felt for so many years.. But then I realised it makes me just like you.

But I was so full of hatred I couldn't stop it, so I became the oppressor, took it out on anyone that didn't understand, destroyed what little I had left now all I have are broken dreams and promises I repeat to myself every night in a desperate bid to keep them alive.

I forgive you. I'm going back to my roots, however long that will take, whichever roads and paths it gets me to, I don't want to be like you. You destroyed my innocence, but u won't let you take down my mind, I just want to get up stronger with nothing to hold me down. I forgive you, for what you did I'll never forget, I pray God makes me stronger and better than you'll ever get.