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I dreamt of you last night. It was the first time in a while and I was shocked. I had read about this study that said the more you think about something and focus on it, the less likely you will dream of it. But the more you actively refuse to think of something, the better the chances are that you will dream of it. I guess they were right. I have been repressing my memories of you nonstop for the last few months. As a result, I dreamt of you. It made me feel funny, because it was different from my other dreams I had of you (Which was actually just one, so the other dream I had of you). In my other dream, you never paid any attention to me. Like, no matter what I did or how many times I walked up to you, you'd pretend I didn't exist. It wasn't until the end that you finally spoke to me and I was so happy to have that tiny moment that I completely forgot about how badly you had been treating me (Also, you were wearing a skirt and wore dark purple nail polish, but I was still attracted to you?).
But, in this one, you weren't mean. You didn't ignore me or refuse to acknowledge me in any way. You just didn't notice me. You were busy talking to your girlfriend. And as soon as I heard her voice, I hid. I avoided you both. When you did see me, you came to talk to me. I ignored you. My mother supposedly knew your mom and decided to "introduce" you to me. But, instead of admitting that I knew you like you expected, I pretended like we were meeting for the first time. I saw how hurt you were, but I pretended not to notice. I then started talking to a friend of mine and continued to ignore you. You eventually gave up and left.
When I woke up, I felt sick to my stomach. What I had done was horrible. And, yeah it was just a dream, but still. I couldn't believe I had done that to you. It wasn't right to treat you that way. I decided that if we did run into each other, no matter what, I wouldn't do that to you. But, I am also scared that you will. I think, I was mean to you, because I expected you to do the same to me. I guess I just wanted to beat you to the punch. But, in that case, I was wrong. And i ended up hurting you instead. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it. Maybe it's just a dream.
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