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I... i just don't know anymore, i've posted my initial post and story here and someone helped me, and i've gone better. But it doesn't feel right, i don't know what, i don't know why, i don't know how to fix.
I don't have the motivation to study, i listen to music because it drowns my thoughts.
I make people laugh to compensate for my lack of happiness.
I play games to have something to focus on instead of thinking.
I watch youtube till i sleep so i don't think about the things i shouldn't be thinking about.
I have a hole in my heart
I feel lonely
I need someone to fill that hole
But everytime i put time and effort into things
The world will decide to go against me
I tried to be positive and help people on this website, it kept my focus for a while but when i stop
My thoughts went on haunting me
What am i doing wrong
I smile and i pretend like i'm okay outside my house, but iam not.
What do i need to do?
Cry myself?
Am i too young for this?
I'm trying hard.
I'm overthinking
I know i'm being lied on, i want to know the truth even if it will hurt me.
I need help and i'm sorry for that.
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Replyi know life shouldn't be this hard, and i'm not grateful. i get it, i want to change but i can't.
i want to get the thoughts away, and be happy about everything, but it's just hard.
i have everything material i need right now (i'm from the upper class) but i want the love i never get to have. i don't think material wealth is everything, i've lost many friends all my life and i don't know why.
is it because how i act? i come from the upper class but i act like i'm not, i don't use clothing that screams rich, i'm not racist, i treat everyone the same, even though i have a driver i always walks home from school. i do things for people on my on expense, and i'm fine with it, it's not like i ask for attention or something back, my jokes are clean, i don't curse, i don't brag about money.
i just don't know where to go and what to do now, i go to the mall alone to refresh my mind, i eat and it kept my thoughts away but the second i stepped in my house i become sad again.
ReplyYour outsourcing your happiness. My guess is you're young. A person cannot fill that hole solely by themselves. Give your head a rest and try not to get too caught up in it. I'm an also an overthinker at times. You're sensitive and introspective. Nobody can teach those traits. Really embrace that, but of all people you need to focus on yourself. By giving so much away its depleting yourself.
Replyi know, i'm not grateful, i have almost everything materially. but i don't think material wealth is everything, i want the love i never get. my parents fights almost everyday when i was 5 and they got divorced shortly after.
my dad moved, and my mom stayed with me and my brother, she always say that she lives just for me and my brother, and i believed it but then life hits me like a truck when she decided to move and marry another man.
i'm pretty close to my dad, but i don't stay in the same house with him.
the thing is, i just don't know why everytime ppl around me needs me i'm always there. but everytime i need someone they never helps. it's not like i'm obvious that i need someone but they just never cares. is it because how i act? i come from the upper class but i act like i'm not, i don't use clothing that screams rich, i'm not racist, i treat everyone the same, even though i have a driver i always walks home from school. i do things for people on my on expense, and i'm fine with it, it's not like i ask for attention or something back, my jokes are clean, i don't curse, i don't brag that my dad has a fleet of expensive cars, i don't use my driver because people would talk about how good car do i use. Well i do wear some pricey watch and glasses, i never brag or show it to my friends and it doesn't look like it costs so much, i use these things because my dad told me to, my dad barely speaks English so if he wants to meet with his clients or bosses, i come and help. i speak with my dad workers, i don't even call them worker i call them uncle. honestly talking to different type and kind of people is just fun, i get to know their story. i talk to the "worker" and we do banter jokes, they don't mind doing banter joke to me as i don't mind and report when they tease me with mean words (i'm not easily offended) i just HATE when people think that i'm rich and i don't want to talk to them, if you ask my i'm more down to earth than my dad.
(sorry for getting to a long story here)
my dad has a company and he said that he will give me, my brother is chasing his dream as an animator and my sister wants to do makeup and i have the same interest in business as my dad (mainly because i'm the closest to my dad and i know so much about the company, my brother and sister know next to nothing about it) i don't like loud and fast cars that screams "i'm rich" i like being off the spotlight and dirve comfortable quiet car, i just need the "someone i love" to share it with when i get older, maybe i should stop thinking about the future right now.
thank you for reading, i hope you don't mind being my "little" friend, i don't mind talking about my life here because you don't know me and i don't know you.
ReplyEverything takes time. Feeling better takes time too. Only you will be able to figure out if something isn’t right. Maybe you have to take a break from pretending to be fine. Maybe you just need to find that place where you don’t have to be somebody. Maybe you need to try and enjoy spending time with yourself. Do you like yourself as a person? Just some things to think about.
When was the last time you sat down and did nothing? When was the last time you listened to the thoughts inside your head? When was the last time you did something you wanted to do just for yourself? Do you care about yourself as you would care about a close friend?
Just some specific things to think about. Being an over thinker isn’t always a bad thing, as long as you learn to direct your thoughts and know when to stop.
Replyi'm not grateful, you already know my story so i don't have to tell you again. and i know i'm really lucky in terms of material wealth. but again, to me material wealth is not everything, i want the love i never get to have. my parents are divorced since i was a kid, so i was forced to grow without much of my parent's help, i learn most of the things i know from the internet, my brother doesn't care.
the last time i sat down and did nothing i cried, the last time i listened to my thoughts i almost die, i've lost so many friends and that's why i don't have confidence, i want to be careful about things but i always fails.
i'm so negative, i know. i just want to sit down alone, eat, and think about nothing but i just can't. i tried, every week i go to the mall alone, it kept my focus for awhile, but the second i step in to my house i feel sad again, until i find something to do.
i feel like the only thing that gives me true good feeling is that girl i said on my last post, but again, i don't know why she stopped being a good friend. i'm not being weird to her or something, i don't even have her social media account because i'm afraid if i ask she will think that i'm weird and she will hate me. i'm overreacting to things because i don't want to lose anyone.
i really need to take a break from all this, i'm dumb.
thanks
ReplyWhy do you do that? Why do you call yourself dumb and apologize for everything?
When I ask why, I don’t actually want a reason.. I just want you to be able to like yourself more and not be so afraid of being on your own. Before anyone else can like you and want to be with you, you have to like yourself and want to be with yourself. And that can take some time.
If you ever feel something you are not liking or in a situation you don’t know how to act in, try to google your problem. It might seem strange but there are thousands of blogs and websites out there talking about all kinds of things and solutions.
You are not alone in the way you are feeling.
When searching for advice, you don’t need to give your whole story. Pin-point what the actual problem is, focus on what is happening not on what you think is happening.
Before you respond, read all the replies on your post a few times. Think about what one person wrote and what exactly you want to say to them. Think about what words would best describe your feelings.
Let me know how all this goes. Until then, try and smile more. People like being around other happy people.
Replylots of love and prayers for you.
Replythank you, i need those....
Reply