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Honestly I just feel so lonely lately. I was with my family on vacation, seeing other family members I rarely see and they know NOTHING about me. I am just so uncomfortable talking about my personal life with anyone and will do anything to avoid it. I listen and listen to others talk for hours and they think they are having a two way conversation, but I have crafted it so that they only think that that...but it’s not true. I love spending my time with the younger kids most because they don’t ask any personal questions and I don’t have to explain myself to them. I feel most authentic when I am with them. I am pretty sure I am queer (so much internalized self-hatred there...even though I am 1000% supportive of every other person in my same situation) but can’t verbalized anything and am too scared to do it. Hiding that HUGE part of myself is getting harder and harder and making me feel more and more isolated. I am hiding my phone and can’t hand it over whenever because of the queer YouTube content I watch, the Tumblr I have, and the images on my Instagram explore page. I also can’t be myself of social media, so I have to check in on the people I want to follow rather than actually following/liking their content. UGH I just want to be me and I am so ashamed of who that is that I’d rather live my life as a spinster than admit who I am.
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I hope this comment helps! I know and understand how you feel. I didn't tell my mum that I was non-binary and bisexual for a long while. It ate me up and I found it hard to even get out of bed in the morning. You feel isolated and alone but at the same time depressed because you can't express yourself in the way you want to. Don't feel ashamed that you don't want to or cannot admit who you are. I think the best thing that I can advise you to do is - get to know who you are, what you want, what support you would like from family and friends and be more confident with yourself. I think that's when you would be comfortable enough to discuss anything with your parents/family. Talk to whichever parent you are more comfortable with (or both). If you don't want to tell them yet, start a conversation about the topic 'LGBT' (for example) and see what they say. Take small steps and I am sure things will improve. Good luck!
ReplyI am going through smth very similar... I wish homophobia didn’t exist. Good luck....
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