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Dear you,
It feels as if it has been a long time since we were together, and it's nice. All the weight I'd been carrying that you didn't know about was lifted the instant I deleted our conversations, and I've been savoring the lightness, the freedom. I forgot how much of your mind and time gets taken by the other person when you're in a relationship, it's like part of you has been cut off and exists somewhere else. But of course, breakups always have difficulties, even when they're easy. My difficulties are very small and quiet in this case, but they still exist. (How bout yours?) You didn't know what your feelings were, you said, and you didn't know what you had in me, and I have this fear that you will never know. That you will never know how special and exceptional this was, and you'll write it off as a small thing like all the small things that came before, and you'll just go on to have the same exact feelings for the next person in three months' time. Except the next person won't be me. I only heard you say thank you to me once or twice despite everything I did for you, maybe you took me for granted, maybe you had no idea that we had the real thing. Maybe you don't know what the real thing is, and that's why you don't know if you're seeking it. "Every day with you was amazing," you said when we broke up, but in ten years, when you look back on this time in your life, will you be wise enough to see truly how amazing it was? Will you be able to understand our intimacy as more than "fun"? Will you be your facade, or will you be who you truly are? We're not together anymore but I still care about you becoming the best version of yourself, the person you crave to become. I hope you become him, and I hope I helped you. And I'm sorry if this is selfish, but if I did change your life in more ways than just the one, I hope you become aware of that someday.
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