My life is crumbling

I am 24 years old and have been in the most amazing relationship in the world for the past 10 months I really fucked up and said very hurtful things to her and now she has left me I love her so much she is like no other her beauty is breathtaking her hair is soft and welcoming she makes my heart beat regular losing her will be so hard for me I honestly don’t know what to do all I do is stare off into space I wish I could make everything better and hold her in my arms again she means so much to me and I said really fucked up shit to her stuff you just can’t take back. I am to blame here so how can I be so upset just knowing I said this stuff to her and her never talking to me again I’m losing a best friend a soul mate it hurts so much. I’m such a dumbass and everyone starts to like me and then everything changed and everyone starts to dislike me I don’t fit in I’m a loser I will never be somebody I’m always going to be a piece of garbage because I’m a dumbass. I don’t like to go to work everyday and I always seem to get really fucking hurt in a way it makes me wanna quit everything I just want to be happy with her my thoughts of not feeling like I don’t fit it don’t come from this at all I just think upon all the people I have come into contact with and I screw a lot of shit up I’m better of not being around any body and just living on the street alone where I can’t cause any trouble of pain to anyone else I’m so lost and this is just the beginning I have nobody to talk to no one to love because I screwed it all up I fucking hate myself!