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Both my Mom and Dad have not been in a good relationship for almost 17 years but they are still married and the reason why they are still together is because of me and my siblings. But recently it seems that both parents are blaming me and my siblings for all their problems. For example, my Mom vents her anger towards me and my sister when my Dad disappoints her, saying things like we don’t do anything that’s why she and Dad are fighting. Today my Dad backs out of a holiday plan to France when I knew from the start that he’s just leading my Mom and my sister to the idea of going on a holiday and then backs out at the last minute. You see I grew up with him doing this and I never allow myself to be excited because I know it will never happen. Now my Mom is upset the whole day and one dish in the kitchen triggered her lashing out at me and my sister calling us “heavy baggages”.
While my Dad just last week, having had a fight with my Mom when they were out in town came home and started blaming us when we weren’t even there and they fought about something unrelated to me and my siblings (something about a third party in their marital affairs).
Although I do admit that me and my siblings are quite a handful, sometimes we don’t listen because we like doing things in our own fashion, are we really to blame? Because growing up, this is what they seem to try to tell us and now I’m starting to believe that my existence was a mistake. I feel like my siblings and I are just a big load of crap that they have to put up with and something they never really want in their life because I heard from my grandma that they got married in haste due to my Mom getting pregnant with my oldest sibling and although they are financially stable I feel like they never wanted us in their life.
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No darling you and your siblings aren’t to blame and I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to go through all that, sounds like something needs to happen and I’m sure it will , but your parents will have to sort themselves out.
ReplyNo & no. Their choice to have you. No one can say, 'Oh I dont like my responsibility' when they made their beds. But helping make things easier on your lives as well. Maybe they didnt draw out expectations in the beginning with the family & now its set. Maybe they fold on rules. Also not your fault. They need to be thankful to have a family & children to love & care for. Thankful for the food that makes dishes. Thankful for the fingerprints on the wall. Resenting life just buries life. Dad sounds narcissistic. Baiting & switching. I'm sure there is a lot you dont know & shouldn't know. If you are old enough to get on here, you are old enough to do your laundry & load the dishwasher & clean your room or close the door (it's your space) until you get on your own & make your own rules. Maybe do something with your Mom? Might be a good time to learn to cook or something you can do together? Or you all take turns making normal life fun just being together. That wouldn't hurt either.
ReplyNope. Whatever is going on is not your fault. You don't control the adults in your life, and you didn't raise yourself.
They made choices, and they make choices every day, to be honest, to not be honest, to be kind, to not be kind, to stay together, to not stay together. You don't make those choices. They make those choices. You are your own person, and you are owed your own life.
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