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I don't feel real. like of course I'm here but am I really? do I truly exist? does it count as being alive if you're barely jus surviving? when people ask me what I'm doing with my life I can't help but laugh. does what I'm doing even count as a life? sometimes I jus... I feel like I don't exist. I don't feel r e a l. I feel like I'm a figment of someone's imagination. so when I'm forgotten, ignored, put on the shelf.. I start to lose myself I start to lose m y s e l f. it's not like I need a lot of attention. I hate being the center of it and I don't like being focused on but when I feel so invisible that I feel my very existence fading away, disappearing, ceasing to go on it's very.. painful. it hurts. but why does it even matter if I don't exist? why do I have such a craving to be remembered by the people I care about? oh, yeah. because I want someone, a n y o n e to care about me as much as I care about them. I feel like that shouldn't be asking for much. but I guess I jus care t o o much that simple reciprocation is an unimaginable feat. I'll just wait until I'm remembered and I briefly exist in that moment. what kind of existence have I been cursed with that no matter how much I care about someone I can't manage to keep any friends? why am I stuck alone no matter how much I invest in my friends? why do I have friends that make me feel alone? I'm one of those friends that's always like "if they don't treat you well they can't possibly be your friend." but then I sit around everyday wondering what I've done wrong to be forgotten by everyone I love. if they don't treat you well they can't possibly be your friend... do I even have anyone then? I'm an imaginary friend. you might hear about me but you'll never see me.
am I real?
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Hang in there. You are real, and you can do this.
Replythank you, I appreciate the encouragement
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