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I was struggling to decide if I should text you or not. I asked for some advice from my friends and it was 50-50. I think I've come to the conclusion that I'll just try to let it go.
Since we broke up on good terms I thought we were friendly. We never had any huge fights or fallouts, we were cool. I told you before moving out that I would like to remain friends, and you said sure.
After a couple of months in a moment of weakness I sent you a text asking if you wanted to get a coffee and catch up. First, you ignored me. I sent you another one and you answered "sure, we can do that". I tried asking you a few times about schedules and stuff, but we got nowhere, and you never initiated a text.
Fast forward to last week. I had still been using your netflix with your knowledge and consent. (And I also offered to pay you my share, but you declined) I try to open netflix, and it says "incorrect password". I sent you a text on snapchat asking about it, to which you just answered "oh yeah, there's a new password". The first thought in my head was that you were just trying to get rid of me without having to say a word to me. And I was right. I sent you a bunch of texts on snapchat after that asking if I could still use it or not, that it's obviously your desicion, and that it's totally fine if you don't want me to use it anymore. You didn't answer. I got upset and sad. Not because of the netflix of course, but because you couldn't just say it to me. All it would have took would have been a simple text saying "hey, I don't want you using my netflix anymore". After a while when I had let it sink in that you weren't going to answer, I sent one last text. "Have I done something to upset you or do you just have something against me?". I was broken, yet again.
If you didn't want me to use your netflix from the beginning, then why did you say yes? And if you changed your mind, why didn't you just say so instead of ghosting me?
And if you never wanted to stay friendly, why did you agree to go for coffee?
Most of my sadness is rising from the confusion and not understanding where you're coming from.
A part of me wants to send him this letter to get closure. I'm sure he won't answer but sending the letter would be closure enough, because then I would have said all I needed to say.
But the other part of me just wants to forget everything about this. But the problem is, I don't know if I'll be able to forget without having closure.
Only time will tell.
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