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I have an issue. Made semi obvious by the title. I cut.
I had been self harming in different ways for a while punching walls and pouring hot water over my hand but every now and then I’d think I want to take this further. I tried to cut on many occasions but I couldn’t find something to do it with and I couldn’t press hard enough for the blunt objects I had to pierce my skin.
Recently I managed to and at first I felt great about it. it was odd I knew I should feel ashamed and sad but when I wasn’t thinking about it I was happier than normal then it changed. I started feeling worse and worse more suicidal each day picturing myself walking in front of cars and wondering if they were going fast enough for me to die. Constantly thinking about needing to cut in lessons at school. And it was stressful. Then my friend realised something was wrong and because I said I didn’t want to talk about it instead of making up an excuse or saying i was doing well I gave in and told her after a few days of badgering and i feel so ashamed. Not for doing it for telling her I did it. Two of my friends know currently and a third knows part of it and at a guess 6 know I am or have been suicidal an I just feel so ashamed. If I’d have just kept it to myself I’d feel fine but I told them and now I feel like I’m attention seeking even though almost nobody cuts for attention. I think I’m going to lie and say I’ve got better. Say I’m clean and I’ll never do it again say it didn’t make me feel any different it was just a habit.
So yeah ty and au revoir
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Don't feel ashamed. We all go through these struggles sometimes. The first thing is realizing that you do need help; but, but- there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We all need help sometimes. ALSO, honesty. Honesty is a huge thing too. Own up to it... It's for your own sake, honey. For real! Cutting is not going to solve the issue. It won't. There are tons of resources... There are. It's time to take action and let people take care of you:) It's not attention-seeking; we ALL need some guidance sometimes. I commend you. Keep moving forward.
ReplyYou are going to be okay... keep trying like its a new day
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