What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
Dear B,
We were supposed to get married last week. Of course, you never intended that. You let me know that for the years we were together, you faked the engagement, faked all plans for the future, because you figured I'd be more likely to pay all of the bills and help you through college if I thought we had a future and commitment. Sadly, you were right.
I don't think I'll ever get any of the thousands of dollars back that I spent on you, not to mention the two counts of body damage you did to my car while driving recklessly. Not to mention all the wasted time. Not to mention the bad name you had for yourself at the company where I got you a job. Not to mention how much you hurt me.
I don't understand you. I don't understand how you can cheat on me all while I took care of you, how you couldn't even clean up after yourself. I was working over full-time hours and you rarely worked more than 20 per week, and I would come home to a mess with you laying around, playing video games, and throwing garbage everywhere. I'd then have to clean it. I'd have to clean everything, take care of everything, and every moment was spent on all of your emotional needs, as well.
Let's get a few things out of the way:
You're never graduating college. It's been, what, ten years? And you maxed out all of your loans? And you don't think you should have to work and go to school? This is your last year before you had 0 funding left, and I know and you know that you won't make it. All those times you said your program was just so much harder than mine, and that's why it is taking you a decade to not finish? Yeah, in less time than that I have completed three degrees and started a fourth, so no. You're absurd.
Also, you're lazy. Every job you had, you'd bitch and moan all the time about the "stress". You worked ten hours a week at an ice cream shop and complained about the stress. This is why you have a horrible resume, no matter how much you exaggerate on it. The best job you ever had was the one I got for you, and you didn't last a year. You don't have the work ethic for it. No one in your field, even if you ever managed to graduate, will see your gap-filled resume of low-level, low-hour positions and think, "Yeah, this guy deserves a good job!"
Of course, you don't even want a job.
You want an internship, and not even a paid one.
You wanted me to work all the time. Your suggestion, when I had to put my medical bills on credit to pay for you, was that I just also take up working nights. You told me, the reason you had to cheat on me was that you associated me with bills and responsibilities. You know, those things your adult-self refuses to do?
I used to be fun and free-spirited, and then I met you and I didn't have time to do anything. Even if we did do something I wanted, something fun, you'd throw a fit and give me the silent treatment or yell at me and ruin the whole thing. You wouldn't take time off your pseudo-jobs, even though you also didn't pay bills, even to let me have Christmas with my family when my mom was very sick. You wouldn't take take off with me for over six months, and said that I was asking too much to want to spend any time. But, when I would ask if anything in our relationship was wrong, you said I was crazy, that everything was great, that I was insecure.
The day before you broke up with me, you re-proposed to me.
The day before.
Why do that?
Why text your side-chicks when we were on dates, or all night long?
You made up imaginary people who do not, at all, exist, to hide your girlfriends. You told me you were ring shopping for me (since you never gave me a ring) when you were out having sex with your mistress. You let me pay for the wedding venue, buy a dress, let my family pay for wedding things.
You never let me meet your family.
You wouldn't introduce me to your friends.
You said you wanted to keep your friends separate from me.
You screamed at me in public and had me huddled against the side of the car, crying and shaking, and THAT is how you decided to end things.
I did everything for you.
You did nothing.
You admitted in a text, because you are a coward, that you never intended to marry me, but wanted the money. You admitted that, because you're a gamer and a nerd, you felt less than super popular in high school and so you don't want to act like an adult now. Granted, you still have a super-close group of high school friends, so I have no idea what this means, but apparently you want to re-live high school today.
You just become whoever you are around. After you left me, you told everyone you loved hiking and the outdoors, all the things I love, but you told me you hated them. And, you do. You always threw a fit, and you hate exercising. You hate wildlife. You hate the outdoors. You literally only like video games, not working, and not attending your classes.
I guess you finally found your perfect pair: She was also engaged, but what did that matter to her? She needed male attention from someone who was also hurting a woman, because she only gets off on that. She hides behind having queer friends to cover the way she treats other women. But, I also kind of get it. She isn't ugly, really, but she isn't exactly what society calls pretty. I can see how she became bitter, needed male attention. And, you needed someone to let you pretend to be a teenager again, so it's less weird to have a man pushing 30 living in a college dorm and hanging out with teens.
I don't absolve her, of course. She knows what she did. she has free will. But, she isn't the issue here. She will go on to do this again, to seek out married men and men with kids and men with pregnant wives, all while telling herself it's okay because she isn't pretty and deserves this.
She could be pretty. That's the tragedy here. If she took care of herself, if she stopped being so bitter. I can see her improve. But, I also know this kind of person all too well.
But, she isn't the issue. You are.
I wonder, as you hadn't met her yet, who's black panties did you leave in my house? Were those her long, brown hairs in my shower?
You always said I was imagining things, even when I caught you taking another girl to lunch. Even when I found underwear hidden in my car. Does she know you're already on Tinder, using a photo I took of you on one of our dates? Were you on tinder when we were planning our wedding?
Let's talk about my car. You tried to have me sign it over to you after you damaged it a second time. Remember how I had to pay for the first time? And you were so nasty to me when I insisted you pay the second, since you smashed the bumper?
Then you said I should just sign the car over to you. It would "help me" you said.
I couldn't see how that helped me.
You really pushed me, and I'm glad I was not fooled. You had already met her. You were planning to leave, and take my car with you.
Related to the car: I had to drive you to work all the time, often super late at night. My friend, who worked at the same place, let me know that the cafeteria closed long before I drove to pick you up. Was I really driving you to and wrong your dates?
Where did you go, with my car, at 1:00 AM? I know you didn't see a movie, as there were no showings that late.
Did you have sex in my car?
I know she was in it. I found her hair.
Also, why did you say your mom was dying? I know she isn't. You didn't even go out to see her. It's been months. Why make up that kind of lie? Was it to just shut me down any time I was upset at how you were treating me?
You always shut me down if I tried to stand up for myself, by saying that you were "depressed".
You always made fun of me for my dreams, for my work, for everything. You never respected my things. You stained the carpet, broke my dishes, damaged my car.
The summer before last, you handed me a glass of water and said I had to drink it. It tasted funny, and then I passed out. When I woke up, half my body was numb. It stayed that way for 12 hours. You refused to drive me to the ER until I demanded we go. You said I had hallucinated and that you never gave me anything. So, they didn't end up testing for drugs. So, now there's no evidence.
What did you give me? Had you done it before?
I begged you to not force me to take a new job and you pressured me until I did. You wanted me to move so that you could move. You hated the job I got for you, because it was full-time and in an office. You only like part-time work, at grocery stores, ice cream shops, decorating cakes, at a college cafeteria, etc. Your dream job is to work at the movie theatre again. I guess this is how you meet teenagers. Are they all over 18? I honestly don't know.
I've been pondering how this happened. How did you convince me? How did you wear me down? How did you keep me there? How did you isolate me from my friends? You said you hated so many of my friends, and stopped me from seeing them, but would intentionally befriended people who treated me poorly.
And, in all of this, you were the "holy" one. You quoted the bible all the time. So does your mistress. You talked about god nonstop. You made fun of my beliefs, and you called my friends "witches" and said that the bible said to kill them. You're supposedly studying a STEM subject, and yet you're a young earth creationist. And, somehow you're the one who is so holy and good. What does the bible say about cheating and having a lot of sex with random women?
Does your girlfriend know that you're a transphobe? Or does the queer community stop mattering to her once she can stop using them as her shield? I imagine it's the last one. I've known a lot of people like that.
You rushed into our relationship right away, wanting us to be exclusive after date 3. You proposed before a year was out, and then officially on my birthday. Did it bother you that you knew it was a fake proposal? That this would hurt me horribly? Probably not. You admitted in a text that you're a narcissist. Maybe the pain was a part of it, an extra treat for you. You always liked hurting me.
So, don't pretend I was pushing you into marriage. This was all you. When I had doubts or wanted to go slower, you pushed ahead. It was all you.
I found out something that makes me sick. You weren't single when we met. I didn't know this until recently. I was able to put together some details and get confirmation. You had a girlfriend then, and you told her you'd move to Orlando with her. Then you moved her there and flew back and left her.
I hate this. I hate that another woman was hurt. I would have never said yes if I knew. You talked so badly about her. I feel so sorry for her. I imagine you're telling other women the same about me.
I hate you. I've never met anyone like you. I couldn't imagine this level of cruelty.
However, as you get older, and continue to fail, the "sad nerd boy" act won't keep working. Will it work past 30, when you still haven't graduated, have over $100,000 in student loan debt, and only want to work part time? At some point, it will seem unrealistic that all of your problems are caused by someone else, that ALL of your relationships are with "crazy" women, that all of your bosses are "mean to you", that all of your jobs are too stressful (even cake decorating?!), that school is just too hard and no one else gets it, that everyone else who graduated and managed to hold down a job is just doing something "easier" than your SUPER hard undergraduate degree and your SUPER hard part-time jobs. You will no longer be the older guy who is tolerable because you can buy beer, and instead be the older weirdo who keeps creeping out teenagers.
I know you don't have a savings. I know you won't graduate this year, because you need at least one class that won't be offered, and you will run out of funding in May. You won't be able to keep living in the dorms with the kids. There's a good chance you're going to end up homeless, like you nearly were when I helped you, paid your rent, broke your lease, moved you, got you a new job, and paid all of our bills. I hope no one is fooled into helping you this time. Your own family has cut you off because of this kind of behavior.
There's a special place in hell for someone like you.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Always by Saliva explains my relationship near the end.
I want to break this song down and explain my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I feel like this might help me. I hear a voice say "Don't be so blind&q...
-
Emotional Childhood Wounds
This is a recollection of events I have wanted to share for twenty years but have been unable to. I have spent the better part of the last year organizing these...
I am so sorry for your misfortune. I hope you will be happy in the future.
Reply