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yall don’t understand how hard it is to fake happy . how hard it is to wake up everyday and act like everything is okay . how hard it is to put a fake smile on before you walk out of the door . how hard it is seeing so many people around you with a great bond with their mother . wishing that you could have that . you know you never will . you don’t know what it feels like to be loved by a mothers love . to be held within a mothers arms . you only had one for the first 3 years of your life and as the years go on your memory of her starts to fade . it’s so hard . so hard being only 9 years old and hearing over the news that your big brother was murdered . even harder seeing your father so torn and helpless . harder seeing your brothers lifeless body laying in a casket . harder seeing how broken your sisters are . hardest saying your last goodbye . kissing his forehead and feeling a coldness . that same coldness that you remember when you kissed your mom goodbye . it’s so hard . so hard being only 14 years old and having to deal with so much . so hard when you have nobody to talk to about your pain . so hard telling yourself that everything is gonna be okay but you know it won’t, it never will be .
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