Worried

Ive been depressed for quite some time. I also took a pretty big gap from working. Its been a little over a year since ive had a job. Im still in college but still feel like I should have been working part time. I spend most of my time thinking about the past and what id give to go back. I know this is an unhealthy habit and yet i cant stop myself from thinking about the past. I cant stop thinking lowly of myself, thinking im not good enough. Thinking I wont be able to handle it. I can't help but second guess my every decision. Worry about the outcome of everything i choose to do. Depression has destroyed me. I feel like ive destroyed myself. Even after going out and getting a job today i almost regret it. Why? Cause its a minimum wage job, ill maybe bring home 50 bucks a day. It just doesnt seem like it's worth it. I cant help but think negatively about pretty much everything. I have no one to really vent to. No friends, no significant other. Ive just always been the lone wolf type. Not that i cant talk to people. I choose to just avoid conversations cause my mind is always so occupied with thoughts. I guess i just expect the worst outcomes. So really i cant be disappointed anymore than i already am. I feel like i deserve a break. Nobody owes me anything. I think i owe it to myself though. Im always so hard on myself. I just dont know how to stop feeling this way and doing this to myself. Im never happy or content. I wwnt friends, i want a girlfriend. I just always feel like im nkt good enough. Ive been this way for the past 7 years. All i want is to set myself free of this pain. I just can't find a way to do it.