Depressed

Its weird, ive been depressed for a long time. For some reason though whenever i get a job, the depression gets 10 times worse. I didnt even start yet. Ive been depressed for a long time. Im 21, and it probably started when i was 15. Its just so deep this depression. I swear I can feel sadness in my heart. Its like this really small, but noticeable ache sometimes. Im nothing that I want to be. Everything i thought id have at this point in my life is absent. Everything i ever strived to be, im not. I had a breakdown a few months ago, now i feel another coming on. Before the last breakdown i never had one. It's just after 6 years of this shit. I want to feel good again. Happy. I want to start working again, but this depression makes it so hard to wake up in the morning and super hard to fall asleep at night. I cant help but look at all the negatives. In every situation I'll always find more negatives than positives. I feel so weak. My mom and dad both work there asses off. They have always supported my dreams. I should be working harder at them. I should be working harder period. I dont know what the hell is wrong with my brain. I feel broken beyond repair. Id never kill myself, but everyday I understand more and more why people do. In my head im screaming for help. Ive tried therapy, counseling, and even medications. The medications only for about a month. Just because i felt no improvement so i gave up. Also i got some pretty nasty side effects from them. I got no friends. I can't seem to get a girlfriend. Im going to be making less than 1k a month. I just fear i will be stuck like this. I mean i already have been for 6 years. Fuck I cant stand it anymore. I feel like depression is my cage, and right now im banging my head into the sides of it, and trying to claw my way out. Nothing works, nothing frees me from it. The cage is surrounded by dark thoughts, negative thoughts. That reinforce the cage even more. Meanwhile my clock is is ticking and i waste my time feeling like shit.