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I feel like I’m on a dangerous path. I’ve been obsessing with anorexic stories and what I eat in a day while restricting videos. The thing is I’ve been obsessing over my weight but I love to eat but these videos motivate me in a negative way but I watch them all the time. It gets to the point where I think to myself I’d rather be anorexic than fat. I sometimes wish I was obsessed with working out and wanting to stop eating. It’s like I’m more toxic to myself then anyone else is. I don’t really know what to do. I’ve tried multiple things to give me more confidence like making positive things in a mirror. So I love to eat, I eat a lot but I don’t really binge maybe 3 times a week I look at whatever is on my plate and feel nauseous but I end up eating anyway.
Idk what I’m really asking for from writing this but I just wanted to get this off my chest.
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Hi there, it sounds like you're at a turning point and now is the time to take control of your life rather than letting the disease take over. I remember that same turning point but I went the wrong way. Now 6 years later I don't think I can ever get my life back.
I don't know if this will help you but I wish I had discovered it sooner. I switched to healthy, raw, and vegan foods. I can eat those guilt free (especially raw) because I know they're good for me, won't make me gain weight and will actually make my hair and skin look better. Unfortunately I discovered this trick too late, and old habits die hard such as binging on cheese pizza and then punishing myself by not eating for 2 days. That's what this disease will do to you... guilt and self hatred for every bite of food. So try really hard to establish "safe foods" that you can eat like a normal person. I hope you can manage to break out of this, you really don't want to end up like me (I look absolutely horrific).
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