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I've been known to fall in love at a distance. I've done it before in my life, felt such a pull to someone and had such an unspoken connection, it became something real. Unfortunately, I recently separated from my wife. We have been struggling for years and I'm finally able to take steps again for myself. It's not my desire to jump into anything at all. I actually feel like I'm in the middle of a transformation and someone at this moment might not fit into where it is I find myself in the end. It wouldn't be fair. Also, part of my journey is practicing celibacy. This doesn't often make good for romantic relationships.
Still, there is a woman I have admired for over a year. I've made no move or given any impression of what I'm feeling at all out of respect to my marriage and even to the woman but, I can't stop thinking about her. I write about it to get it off my chest but it doesn't curb it. I walk for miles listening to music to drive thoughts from my head yet it seems like every song is for her. I can picture her walking beside me through the breeze, listening to the music together. Now the songs remind me of her, even though she's probably never even heard them. I've probably spoken all of 20 words total to her, aside from my interview. Who the hell do I think I am? She'd never see me this way but something calls me to her, the way you're called home. I imagine this will never ever happen, but I do still want her to know how much my attraction for her has helped me grow. I wish I could make a real move, but perhaps I don't deserve that opportunity. If there's help for me, I'll take it.
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I am no stranger to the obsessive limerence. It is good that you can tell that there is a separation from what you feel and what exists in reality. The thing with obsessing with someone we don’t know is that we can create whatever fantasy of them we’d like and put them on a pedestal. Divorce and seaparation are challenging and so is plumbing the depths of your soul to find balance or healing. It’s only natural to mentally try to balance that with something or someone pleasant. If you aren’t feeling ready for a relationship then I would say, work on the friendships and other platonic relationships you already have. If you feel ready to date and she is single, ask her out. At least then you’ll know if she’s ever thought of you in that way. Or you could say ‘hey, I’ve always thought we’d get along. Would you like to have coffee sometime?’ That is less of a date like ask and it leaves it open for her to ask if it’s a date or platonic hang out. Then you can answer accordingly. Good luck to you!
ReplyIt can set you up for disappointment and depression.
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