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I could really use advice on this from someone that is neutral. About 3 years ago I adopted a dog with my ex boyfriend. We both volunteered for a rescue and this was a dog there that was badly abused and needed much love and needed help regaining faith in humans. Every weekend we would volunteer there and the dog became more trustful and I grew close to him and adopted him. He is a very special dog. We both are on the dogs paper work as owners. Over a year ago we broke up and the dog has been with him and his new girlfriend and they have agreed to let me see my dog every month with no issues this has been going on for a year+. About 9 months ago I met my new boyfriend and we fell in love and moved in together and I was open with him about the dog situation.
Recently I decided to have the dog sleep over our house for the weekend, which he never did before usually its just a day visit. My boyfriend was really angry and upset. He explained to me this entire situation makes him super uncomfortable and that there is nostalgia there with my ex and anything could happen. However, I have no feelings for my ex at all we didn't end on bad terms we just wanted different things. I literally see him and feel nothing. I told my boyfriend that I love him so much and would not even think about doing anything to hurt him. I am not that type of person. This makes me feel like my boyfriend doesn't trust me, and makes it seem like I don't value our relationship.My boyfriend says I love my dog more than him because if I loved him I would just stop seeing the dog. However, I love both of them but very differently and of course I would one is human and one is a dog. I don't love my dog more than him its just a different kind of love.
This dog had been the most stable thing in my life. When I was depressed and upset in my old relationship my dog would always make me feel better. When I was single for a long time and was going through a hard time, I would pick the dog up and instantly I was happy. I just know whatever was going on in my life my dog would always made me feel better. I am an animal lover and to neglect this dog would be out of character for me and I would regret it my whole life. But my boyfriend now I know is my future husband and he doesn't really want to be in this situation he thinks I should just stop seeing my dog.
I know this is not the ideal situation for someone. And to be honest if the shoe was on the other foot I would hate it. But I even tried to compromise with him, like having my parents pick the dog up so I wouldn't have to go there, and he was not about it. I had my dog stay over cause I wanted him and boyfriend to bond and include my boyfriend with this part of my life cause it's important to me that he is apart of every part of my life not just when I choose and choose not too. I don't want to lose my boyfriend or my dog over this. I just need some advice what should I do?
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Your boyfriend doesnt seem to understand the relationship you have with the dog. Also both you and your ex adopted the dog. A dog isnt something you just throw away at convenience. Since both you and your ex are on the papers you should also have equal time with the dog. I cant really tell you what to do but if your boyfriend cant accept the dog you might need to find a new boyfriend. I hope it works out ok for you.
ReplyNo one should ever put you in a position where you have to choose one thing you love over another like that. Especially not someone who claims to love you. I can't imagine giving up on someone I love and who was constant in my life for a long time (the dog in this instance) just to make someone else happy. I would feel like my freedom was violated. As for what you should do... Well, you already tried to talk to him and it didn't work. Maybe someone else could try? Some friends or family members? I really don't know. I hope he will eventually understand how you feel and accept the dog. (Oh, also - is he jealous of your ex or the dog? Or both? Maybe thinking over what the real issue is for him will somehow help. Maybe he never had a strong relation with an animal so he can't relate to how you feel at all). Anyway, good luck!
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