Dear Ash

*trigger warning i guess*

Ash I think I want to kill myself. Don’t freak out I promise I won’t do anything and I’m going to be fine I just feel like I cant do it anymore and it would be so much easier to just give up. You probably think I’m crazy and attention seeking because I have practically everything I could want and I have you as the most amazing thing in my life and yet I still want it all to just stop. I can’t deal with my dad anymore, he doesn’t believe that I can do all the work that he wants me to do and honestly I don’t think I can get a 9 in every subject but I’m going to try. Its like he’s given up on me but at the same time he’s still pushing me so hard and I don’t want to do it anymore. I feel like I’ve completely broken because I can’t talk to anyone. My dad’s said that its unreasonable to go to B******* with the amount of work that I need to do and I just want to leave and never come back because I hate him. He’s said I need to prove to him that I can do the work but that only gives me tonight, tomorrow Friday and Saturday to do that and I know what he’s going to say and if I don’t see you I just can’t. I give up and I just want to see you and give you a hug but he won’t even let me do that. I love you so much and i know how unfair this is because youve had to go through so much in the last year and me laying this on you is just horrible of me and im sorry but i don’t know who to go to because i literally have no one else. I feel empty but so sad and angry at the same time and i dont know what to do. I feel like no one else cares i mean i hope you care but literally no one else does and i hate it. I hate this so much and it would be so much easier for it all to go away because then i wouldn’t have to do it anymore. I wont because i couldn’t leave my brother and my cousins but im so so tempted. I’ve been thinking about this for a while tbh so i know that i wont do it because i probably would have done it already. I havn’t said this to anyone well i said it to the person who i spoke to on childline but tbh it didn’t help at all. I just feel like i should give up