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I loved someone for four years and then they discarded me. Here I am, organising to meet a stranger. We might just have coffee. We might do more than that. I hated hook ups because they were temporary. They made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be in a relationship. I was only there for someone to get their pleasure. I feel that maybe on some level I go back to a less than ideal situation because I don't feel like I deserve to be happy. I know what the other person wants and expects. I don't have to juggle someone else's needs and my own for a long period of time. We just get together, sweat all over each other, then leave. We don't have to live together. We don't have to buy gifts for each other, don't have to remember birthdays and anniversaries. We just use each other and be done with it. I mean, if someone can just decide one day that they don't love me anymore, why bother committing to someone new?
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