What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
I really want to hurt myself today. I keep on imagining dragging my knife across my necjneck
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Sleet in Alabama
Which is totally rare... But what’s not rare is my desire to get into a terrible car accident. Now would be the perfect time - pull out in front of som...
-
Catch 22
Suicidal ideation consumed me a few weeks ago. I began planning the details of the event in my usual way; accounting for loose ends and such. One of my p...
I'm the op. I didn't mean to post yet, but I'm brand new to this. I'm not going to hurt myself, but I think of the ways I feel that I've failed and I just imagine it. I haven't actually hurt myself in a very long time, but sometimes it's bad. I screwed up at work and I don't know how to fix it. I'm scared. I feel sick to my stomach and my thoughts circle around getting fired even though I know mentally that I won't be. But it's that tiny 'are you so sure?' that's keeping me in this state. My friends don't understand just how much the things I complain about bother me. They don't know that I imagine what it would be like if I just took my knife to my neck right under my jaw. I want to push in. But that thought makes me just as queasy if not more so. I just want to be happy and content and I worry it'll never happen. I'm 34, have 2 BAs, make $14 an hour, live with my parents because that isn't enough money to support me, am in the closet because I live with my parents, am ashamed because I live with my parents at my age, an ashamed because I've never managed to have a consensual sexual encounter. I've had the opportunity, but have always been too scared to let anything happen. Now I just worry I have this fantasy of what a relationship will be and so I'll never be happy with reality and so I don't even try at this point. I say that no one likes me, but it's just that it's either never mutual on one of our sides. I've liked lots of people and had lots of people like me, but I don't like to admit the latter. I guess I feel like it negates the bad way I feel about myself. If I like someone, they can't possibly like me back because why would they? If someone likes me but I don't reciprocate, I'm not lowering my standards. It's very self defeating. I feel like I've seen too many 90s and 80s movies where the popular person liking the main character was a ploy and I'm convinced no one could actually really like me. I just don't know what to do or think about anything. Nothing helps. Or at least it seems that way right now.
Reply