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This past year has been a challenging one. College has been hard and being so far from home has slowly gotten to me. I’m not an emotional type but maybe I am. It’s been one of the worst years of my life, it feels like I peaked upon acceptance and then went downhill from then. I started falling behind in some classes and feels everyone is smarter than me and my life has felt like it’s reached a stagnant point where I wake up, go to class, do work, hang with the same 5-7 people everyday because I’ve just had trouble socially connecting with my other peers that I would love to be friends with.
I know my parents or even my girlfriend, that I’m so lucky to have, tell me I’m not alone but they’re not there. And it’s not their fault, how can they be? They’re not there at 3 am. They’re not there at 5 am. They’re not there when I wake up in the middle of the night, every night. They’re not there as I contemplate my role in life or if I even have one. Where I contemplate if I’m even good enough for a degree or if I’m not meant to finish school. I want to finish, i want to become something in life. I’m trying but it’s so god damn hard. It’s hard.
I just want a change of pace for the better. At least for a little while. I feel like it’s been a long time since I’ve had a win and I just want one. I want to know I’m still here and that I have hope. I don’t expect anyone to see or read this but it was just more of a rant from me, for me.
I want to succeed. To be happy. To not fail.
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ReplyLife is not always a bowl of cherries. Sometimes it is unfair. Even if you do your very best it does not always compensate you with success. Your very best may not even be enough and that's life. No one is already best at the beginning.
Failing does not make you any less of a person. For me, its better to fail over and over than to do nothing and think of your what ifs afterward.
Its okay to fail as long you did your best to succeed. There is limitation to our capability and capacities but we can expand it over time, right?
Get stronger, keep pushing, and you'll reach your success soon.
Reply