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I think I just had a breakdown, over a small thing, that I think I shouldn't have reacted that way. Even though I have my mom, my best friend, and other friends, I still think they will disappear and I will be left alone. I don't even think I'm worthy to be my best friends, best friend. I feel like Im not the person I want to be, I should be better, more outgoing, more supportive but... its HARD! I didn't feel anxious about meeting people before, but now I do. I don't like the way I talk, the way my face looks, I feel like I have taken things for granted.
I want to have a normal relationship with my father, but it doesn't look like he even wants to try, and I can't even communicate to him normally, he doesn't understand me and what I like.
My best friend has found a really close friend and they talk so much, of-course I'm happy for her, for making new friends. But at the same time my self loathing grows bigger, I see someone better than me in her new friend and they communicate so well between each other. They seem to have so much in common that I start to sense all that lacks in our friendship. I feel like a disappointment, I'm not a good friend. And this all started because of a measly tweet, 'who is your twitter crush' and she got her, while I wished it got me. But why should I be surprised, I don't tweet that much and that girl tweets more than me, and my best friend comments on her tweets most of the time. So tell me, why did it hit me so much, why did it make me cry, why did it make me think all kinds of bad things, when I shouldn't, I really shouldn't look so deeply into it.
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Friends are a very important at your age so this is a big thing. You will learn that people move on and friendships don't last. One or the other move on to another friend. You will have another best friend until one of you moves on and so on. The trouble is that both don't want to leave the other at the same time. You will get used to this and get over this friend. Unless she and her new friend fall out, then she might come back to you and might not. And by then you may not want her back.
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