Flashback: 9-5-19

I was so tired. The night before I had been silently crying because it felt weird when I closed my right eye even over an hour after I got the shampoo in it. Being blind had always been my worst fear. However, I wake up at 6 and the feelings all gone. I forget about it. Why should I think about it? It’s my first day of seventh grade! A new year, great start. I have my new group of friends from mid sixth grade, and a beautiful white top, jean shorts, nice earrings and a white velvet scrunchie to go with it. As much as I already miss summer vacation, I have a feeling this year will be great.

Abt 7:45 a.m-I get to school and my best friend is already there. (D) So is a new friend I made last year. (G) I thought we would’ve drifted off after not talking to them for the summer, but I get G’s number. Its great seeing them again. My day is off to a great start.

8:15: disappointed to see no friends in my homeroom, and why do I have to be nervous to go up to the new girl sitting alone? (kn) My phone is in my backpack, usually it wouldn’t be, but we haven’t gotten our lockers yet. A few times while my teacher (Lg) explains some stuff, my ring app goes off! Not to loud, but why didn’t I silence my phone?

8:30 Social studies! My first day of 7th grade social studies! Luckily, I am able to choose a seat next to my friend who I thought would drift away from me, (H) but Ig not! The teacher (Mh) is pretty funny ngl, but the super annoying (kinda funny tho) kid (P) is in my class. First period-Check! Its going great.

9:14 science time! I immediately love my teacher (vc) , she will def be my favorite. And I’m by D, and another friend (J) Best part? Me and J are right next to each other alphabetically, so Vc will probably put us together. Nope. She’s next to another girl (E.) i’m next to this boy (K) who I’ve never had any classes with my first year of middle school. Vc hands out papers. The people in front of me, and K’s, table pass a paper to me. I give one to K, but then the person behind me has an extra. K points out I didn’t give myself a paper, and laughs at it (Not in a rude way) Oh god, I already know K will be v annoying. I start to wonder if K likes me. Not j bc of him laughing and pointing out what I had done, but the way he looked when he did.

As days pass I actually start to hope he likes me, but know I would reject him bc well he’s annoying and I would never like him

A weekend in September: Me and my best friend (A) have a sleepover! We go through all the boys in our grade, and our top 2 ships for each other. Sure enough, one of her ships for me is K! I have a strange feeling of happiness that she ships us though.

The next few days I wonder: Do I like K? Why would I want A to ship us and K to like me so much if I didn’t like him? I try denying it, but I know how much I like K.

10-31-19: Me, A, and D are trick or treating together with some other friends (An&V) Later into our trick or treating, I start singing A’s first name w the last name of who I ship her w (O) Then, A sings my name w K’s last name! I still haven’t told them abt how I feel, so I pretend to hate it. An and D also ship it though. V doesn’t. Bc V only believes in ships where they talk to each other or like each other. So she won’t ship us bc she doesn’t know I like him.

For the next abt two weeks we talk abt our ships pretty often. I keep pretending to not like K. However, even though V and An fully believe me, A and D won’t give up w the idea of me liking k even though I deny it.

One day I come clean. Tell them I like K. V starts shipping it.

Present day, 1-2-20:

I still don’t talk to K, however still have feelings for him. He sits by me in some classes. Only A, An, D, V, J, and another friend, Ge know. I do look at him often, and he looks at me too I think. Ge claims he looks at me different than he does at other girls. A part of me thinks I might actually have good luck, and K likes me too. However, we have never actually had a conversation. He also never added me back in snap, even tho I have my full name as my snapchat name which he should recognize. So I also doubt he likes me For math we’ve been put in the same group about 2-3 times, but even then I don’t talk to him that much. I get so nervous around him. I blush sm. Not to mention he’s a cool, pretty popular guy, but I’m far from popular and have so much acne. He’s my first crush. I’ve never actually experienced a crush until him. I’ve liked him for abt three months, almost four if the time I might’ve liked him, but was j denying my feelings count. I feel like I should b getting over it, but idk if thats gonna happen soon. A bunch of buzzfeed quizzes say 2020 will be my great year for love, my crush likes me, and one even guessed his name when it said they would guess my partner’s name. They also described him on quizzes abt my soulmate. Not like those quizzes r accurate tho

If you read all of this, thanks for taking your time. If you have any advice, feel free to share. I probably won’t do it though, if it’s talking to him. Or confessing. I hope you all have a great 2020! Hopefully those of you who have a crush on someone find a way to talk to them is you don’t already. Hopefully they even like you back. Have a nice day!