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Since 2017, I was best friends with this girl. Let's call her Tina. We loved each other. We had always established that we were more than best friends, but we never did anything about it. In 2018, we started fighting. A LOT. She had a very negative mindset and she started cutting, and i felt responsible. she even wrote me letters about her depression. When my parents found out about this, they took strict action and made sure i stayed away from her. Obviously, my parents wanted me to stay away from an emotionally (abusive?) relationship. They even involved our school principal, to make sure we would not be around each other. It was hurtful, and it resulted in me making promises to a LOT of people saying that i would stay way from her.
For almost 10 months, we didnt look eye to eye. sometimes she would try to get in touch with me, but i ignored her. we lived our own lives, and a lot had changed for the both of us. Throughout these months, my worried mother would check my phone to make sure i wouldnt fall back into Tina's "trap".
Tina and I used to go to the same class for practicing papers. a bit over a month ago, we started speaking during the breaks. It was originally just "hi/bye" conversations. But slowly we got talking a little more and things got calmer.
I had an old, unused account that i remembered i had. I started texting her from that. We started speaking and got to know our new selves. So much had changed for the both of us. and it felt like the time we spent apart helped us grow and mature.
At least i thought that, because tina was no longer a negative person. she never freaked out about little things i did, she never made them a big deal like she used to. We both knew that we were both so much more than the petty things we would have fought over and she would have cried over in 2018. That was what felt different about this time that we started speaking.
We connected. Again. and this time, so much better than the last. and genuine. we said "i love you" again. It took me longer to say it. Because i was so scared that i was breaking every promise i made. i knew how tough the consequences would be if my parents found out i was talking to her. But i also knew she wasnt worth everyone's trust id lose if i started talking to her. I was somewhere in between. But i just loved talking to her so much. I didnt stop talking to her. i told her i loved her too.
i knew i would not deal with negativity in my life ever again. and the reason i continued speaking to her was because she was no longer like that.
i was so scared all throughout. and she told me that if i was scared i could choose to not talk to her. but i still did. not because the promises didnt mean anything to me. they did. but something just made me stay
the day before yesterday, i met with her. it involved needing to lie to my mother about where i was going. for the first time in almost a year.
that evening, my mother found out.
and now, im living what i dreaded. i lost everyone's trust. again. my parents, my brother, my teachers. everyone. I obviously dont have my phone anymore. i cant meet anyone. im grounded, and my thoughts are eating me alive
was tina worth it? not at all.
but i surely wish the situation didnt come to this
i wish that everyone who i promised would see both the sides to the story. they looked at me as a victim of emotional abuse (ie i had to deal with her cutting etc) and now "im stuck in stockholm syndrome" . But i feel like no one person has heard both the sides to the story. either hers or mine. and i feel like thats not fair
im going to go to a counsellor tomorrow. but i feel like keeping this in me until then also is too much.
right now, i feel so lost. if ive lost the chance to go ahead in life and study abroad because my mom doesnt trust me anymore, what am i supposed to do? and i dont even have a friend anymore
tina was someone who saw more in me than what everyone else did. its what made her special.
i hope the counselor i speak to tomorrow will be willing to hear everything. the entire story. every side of it.
logically, i am guilty of breaking promises and talking to her.
help me?
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Tbh you shouldn't had talked to her in the first place, your parents are right. Just deal with the consequences, you should have think this through when you talked to Tina. It's not worth it to lost everyone's trust because of a person. Instead of talking to her, find someone else. I advice you to explain yourself to make them understand you somehow
ReplyI’ve never been in a situation like that but it sounds like you were both victims. I don’t know you, so it’s hard to say what I would do, since I don’t know your situation fully.
But it sounds like it was emotional for the both of you. “Tina” was a victim of depression and her actions affected you. It’s great that she has recovered and that you found each other again.
Was it right to lie to your parents? That’s for you to decide. Everyone has reasons to why they lie. If those reasons are valid, that’s for you to decide.
I wish your parents would see both sides of the story, and then decide what they think. Is there any way you can show them the both sides of the story?
I wish you the best, you honestly sound like a great person :)
Replyim going to a counselor tomorrow. ill try to get her to hear both the sides to the story. only then i think i will be convinced about what i should do next. if she says tina is bad for me, ill stay away from her. if after hearing her side of the story, she thinks there was some rightness, maybe then the counselor can speak to my parents? idk.
lying to them was surely wrong.
my mind is so disturbed right now.
Replythank you, though!
ReplyPlease write the whole story in a letter and give it to your mother. Good luck with the counselor too. Everyone should have another chance including Tina. It is up to you to convince both your mother and the counselor that Tina has changed and you wouldn't be with her again if she hadn't.
Replymy mother somewhat ridicules me for "still having feelings" for her. i feel like my only shot at this is the counselor. ugh.
my brother said "people dont change. not in 10 months. even if they (psychopaths) do, they take years to change"
i hope i get out of this happily. regardless of the outcome. with tina, happily. or with tina out of my system completely (if thats possible)
ReplyDepression or borderline personality disorder is a long shot from psychopath or abusive. Yes they are impossible most of the time, yes you can experience a living hell with them, but you you experience is a small taste of what they go through every day. Is it worth it? Well that boils down to why and how much you love them. Can they get better? Absolutely, but it requires a healthy support system which she obviously didn't seem to have. I think you should tell your councilor everything, write it down before you go. No one truly knows what's best for you, the only thing in life of any real value is happiness. And no two people can get to that in the exact same way
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