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I agree that I'm fat. But I totally disagree to agree that I'm ugly. I always love my body. Yeah it is totally different from those beautiful super models. But they are beautiful that way and I'm this way. You know what? Since I love myself soooo much, I decide to live healthily so I do workout and eat food that benefit my body.
BUT BUT BUT... My confidence started to disappear little by little when I do workout or jogging, people badmouthing me. Even my own family do that. They said infront of my face; "your body may change, but i dont think that face will go away. So don't put so much effort girl" and they laugh and said that they were just joking around.
Before I heard that, I really think that I'm pretty although I have a curvy body but now I don't know anymore... I feel like my mind is lying to me... Making me believe that I'm beautiful eventhough I'm not.
I look to the mirror and I can't see the beautiful side of me that I used to see before. I can only see a big ugly monster in the mirror.
Nowadays, I can't even finish a lap of jog. I feel so down. My legs are so heavy to run. So I cry by myself while walking back home.
I think I have lost part of me. Maybe all of it. I don't want to wake up in the morning and watch the sunrise at the park infront of my house which I never missed every single morning. I'm to afraid of people's mouth.
I can't eat. I can't breath.
Do you know the song 'Mama' by Freddie Mercury? The last line is totally what I'm feeling these days.
Thank you for reading my heart story. I really appreciate it so much :)
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Ugly isn't real. Beauty isn't real. Thin or fat. Those are real. But ugly and beauty are just opinions.
ReplyTheres a lot written about our self image that might help you. Psycho-Cybernetics is a good book about that stuff.
ReplySame here. It's hard to ignore when they are too much 'noises'.
Replythere
ReplyIgnore what people say to you and just do your own thing.
Reply