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So, I met a guy online about 4 years ago. He’s honestly my best friend, which might sound weird because I’ve never meet him, but he means a lot to me and we’re always there for each other and I think that’s why he’s so special to me. But, after some time, maybe a year after we met? I started developing some feelings?? I am a teenager, so my emotions are all over the roof at the moment. But I obviously liked him a lot, I could tell. First I was jealous of a female friend he had, he said he had a crush on her. I was jealous, and I felt bad tbh. I know it’s wrong but I mean I couldn’t help it. I actually did tell him around that time how I felt, but I did it in a wrong way because when i was confessing I actually started crying. I think it was because I was just confused. Yeah I’ve found guys attractive before, but I didn’t know what he looked like and yet I liked him a little more then a friend? I didn’t understand I had never felt that way. I’ve always been bad at dealing with my problems and emotions so I just didn’t know how to explain it to him. I apologized a lot in my confession, because I felt bad that it has to be me who liked him. He basically just said it was okay, I mean I can’t change my feelings and he said sorry. I don’t remember much details sorry;. So I tried to forget about it. I reallyy have been trying not to see him that way, but I feel like it got worse. I mean our friendship only grew over the years. Anytime I learned something new about him, I found find it so cute and interesting. Honestly I just love listening my to him talk. He’s just so cute and funny, and I feel so comfortable and happy whenever I talk to him. And like I said I care about him deeply. I kept telling myself, that maybe I just loved him as my best friend. But ugh sometimes he will give me compliments or just be nice to me and I feel so happy and warm inside, that’s the feeling I wish would go away. It’s obviously different from when other people give me compliments so thats now I know. Recently I learned he dated someone from our friend group, (which I didn’t know about, until now of course. I don’t mind tho it’s obviously private) and that’s when the jealous feeling came back. But this time I think I felt sadder. I just kept thinking, what those people he liked had that I didn’t(that sounds bad, but I’m just ranting so sorry;;) and I get he can’t control his feelings, Just how I can’t control mine unfortunately. I wish I didn’t find out about their relationship but I did cry a bit, just because that person had what I wanted. And I will add, their relationship wasn’t serious, didn’t last long. But ugh, I really don’t want to feel this way. I just find him to be so perfect. Some people might say, hes nothing special. But to me he is, he’s so wonderful. And I don’t know what he looks like, which make me wonder why I like him so much. He says he’s not good looking, and a little over weight, but I never think about that. If anything, knowing what he looks like might make me love him more. Because I think about him pretty much everyday. I think about the compliments he gives me, the cute and funny things he says, and just him overall. So if I knew what he looked like I would only think about his face lol. But yeah, basically so summarize again: I think maybe I love my online best friend who I’ve never seen his face. I have my doubts, and I feel kinda bad about it. But these are feelings I’ve never felt before, so that’s why I call it love. Some people say you can’t fall in love online so that's why Im not sure?? And I also hate this feeling. Actually it’s a lot of feelings mixed together. I hate that it’s been years and I just can’t change. I understand if you think I’m weird, honestly I think I’m weird too. I’m just overall confused and overwhelmed.
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First, of course I think you're weird. I mean, you are a human. You have your own interests, motivations, flaws, and fears that all apply only to you, making you different from everybody else. So, to put it simply, you are weird, just as weird as me and everyone here.
Second, I do not blame you for growing fond on an individual you've known for a time, even if you've never met in person. He makes you happy, you trust him, and you felt defeated when he dated another girl. It makes sense that you would like him. However, love isn't just about what you want. Tell me, do you want to see him happy, regardless of how he feels towards you?
ReplyOf course I do, sorry I should have talked about that in my rant, but I was a rant of my negative feelings. I love him so I want him to be as happy as he can. I’ll ask him sometimes too, asking him if he’s taking care of himself and if he’s feelings down or anything. When I found out he dated someone else, I did feel bad but I did think about him being happy. Which made me happy also, because that’s all I want. I want him to have the best of everything. But yeah it still hurt because he was happy with someone else;;
ReplyAlright, it's clear that you care about him and he cares about. But know this, you're going through something that very well everyone faces when they want to be "closer" to someone they hold close to their heart; fear of rejection. You're worried about two things...
1. If you confess, he'll turn you down.
2. If he rejects you, your relationship will never be the same again.
Fear of such outcomes is holding you in place, stopping you from moving forward. If you let these things hold you back, you won't get anywhere and will regret not doing anything. Tell me, which is more terrifying, trying with a chance of failure or never trying at all? Would you be satisfied with either confronting him even though your scared of being rejected or never being honest with him at all?
This is why I am telling you to be courageous and up front about your feelings. It isn't easy, but John Wayne once said, "Courage is being scared but saddling up anyway." It's okay to be nervous. That means you are genuinely worried that you may fail. If you weren't serious, you wouldn't care if he said "No."
So, my friend, what's it gonna be?
ReplyWell like I said, I confessed to him around the time he told me about his first crush. He even sometimes told me we were similar which made the jealousy worse. I did tell him how I was jealous, and that it would make me sad to think about him liking someone else because I felt a certain way for him. I confessed in a messy way because at the time I was crying because I was confused like I said before oof. Hormones were going crazy rip. And our relationship wasn’t affected. He obviously felt bad and we just kinda moved on tho.
But yes I guess I should tell him that I STILL feel the same way? I am scared, because he might think I’m just weird at this point? But you’re really helping right now, thank you so much. Telling him might help, but maybe not now? He did just recently brake up with the other person, so I don’t wanna just seem like I’m “taking the chance”? Because he was sad after the breakup and he probably needs more time.
ReplyGlad you here your decision. And you're right, you should give him time. But don't wait too long. You don't want to give doubt the chance to grab hold of you. Have courage and trust both him and yourself. No matter the outcome, remember to stay true... *pokes at where your heart should be* … to who you are.
ReplyAw, yes thank you so much! I feel much better now. I hope you have a good day or night, and take care ^^
ReplyYou too, my friend. (I'll take "good night.")
ReplyHello!! I didn’t tell them how I felt but- we are dating now. We basically kinda admitted our own feelings at the same time. Idk if you’ll see this but thank you for the advice you gave!! I am so happy now, and I can’t wait to meet up with him some day. That’s the next struggle, but we’ve talked about it and we should meet in about 4 years. But I am willing to wait because we are extremely happy and we will work hard to keep this relationship going until then
ReplyI saw it. I'm am so glad that thing worked out for the two of you. Blessing be upon you both.
Replyyou should definitely see what he looks like. and i feel you i’m so in love with my best friend, he’s the best and basically everything u said about ur guy. and i told him i like him and he said he doesn’t like me back. the things we do together and places we go tells a differmet story. but after awhile when i told him i don’t like him then he started to like me. boys like what they can’t have. so maybe ur so incredibly hard to get. don’t be rude or mean just kinda talk about other guys. send him rally pretty pics of ur self. tell him ur hanging with boys. and maybe then he will admit to you or realize he likes you. bc best friends always lowkey feel
something.
Reply