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I feel like I’m never going to be happy again and I keep trying to compensate for that by doing what I can to make other people happy. And I think that those other people know that and try to acknowledge that I need to communicate how I’m feeling. But I think maybe my communication skills either aren’t good enough or they just don’t want to hear the truth. Maybe I should just stop telling them the truth. Bottling isn’t good but it’s only not good for me. When I let it out it’s not good for anyone. But then I know if someone did that to me, I would lose the ability to trust what they’re telling me, I would think that I were being told a half-truth and would no longer value their opinion. If they stop valuing my opinion, then I can’t compensate anymore then I just won’t be happy at all. It’s a conundrum, that’s for sure. I guess I’ll just have to be an actor through and through, save the genuine emotion for when I’m alone. My problems are mine and their problems are theirs, but I can help them even if they can’t help me and I’m just going to have to be okay with that.
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