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I've been thinking a lot lately. It's like no matter how hard I try to be seen, no one seems to see me. I'm sick of being left back, forgotten, second best. Its hard to be alone like this and it's harder when its no something I can control. A girl and I had an argument, and now, because she doesn't like me, she will hurt me. When she finds out I like someone, she talks to them about me, and they stop talking to me. Whenever I want to make friends with someone, she will talk to them and I won't get to be friends with them. I'm feeling so lost and alone, and I just want someone who would be there for me, hold me, love me, in the same way I would love them, but no. She won't let people get to know me, she needs to win this war. But its one sided, and I'm thinking about surrendering. If she wants me to go, maybe I need to disappear. That way everyone will be happier, and I won't feel anything. I keep thinking of it, but would it be selfish? It seems like everything I do is considered selfish, no matter how much I try. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm gonna hurt. The one person who I thought wouldn't leave me, who told me they'd always be here, weather as a friend or even something more, well he lied. I'm sick of being second best, Sick of being in her shadow, and I don't know what to do! I want to confront the person who I thought I had, but I don't know how. Should I write a letter? If I do it face to face, I'll definitely start crying, and then they wont be able to understand me... Please help.
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