What are you looking for?
7 months ago · · Love,
Where to begin?
Does it even have a beginning or an end?
What is love?
How do we love?
Why do we love?
But most importantly…
Who do we love?...
A sweet poison.
Yes that is the paradoxical nature of love.
Pain and bliss. Unite.
A cry for help in an unforgiving world.
The search for the perfect other.
The search for the missing piece.
We hear these all the time but what do they mean
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FULLY LOVE?
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO EMBRACE THE OTHER?
Love is to know.
To hold hands on the path of life.
It is to grow.
To grow together.
To help each other up.
Don’t just read over this just like another Instagram post
UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING
LOVE IS TO UNDERSTAND
To be there in the time of need.
To be the back upon which you rely on.
The holder of all your feelings.
All your secrets and thoughts.
The sharer of your pain and pleasure.
The blissful embrace you need when you are crying.
The relief you need when you’re in pain.
We are all searching for what it means to love
We turn to the looks
To the sweetness
To the humor
To the smartness
To the kindness
Yet we always find it hard to explain why we love…
It just hits you on the head
Than you start to realize all these cartoons were real.
The ones with cupid hitting people with anvils and arrows.
They are all trying to describe why we love…
We all feel the same way yet we shy away from that fact
Love is a feeling not a spawn of reason…
So stop making it seem like one
Stop quantifying it
Stop measuring it
Stop limiting it to how reasonable it is to love
I know that my grief comes from love
I know that eats me away to see that I don’t have someone to call my own
I just don’t say it.
I just don’t want to say it.
I don’t want to admit.
Even to myself.
I don’t want to admit that all I want to right now is someone to hug and feel safe with
I tuck it away.
All I want is someone broken.
Broken just like me.
All I want is to be broken with someone else.
All I want is someone to fix me up.
Is someone I can fix up.
Is someone I can experience what life means with.
Is it too much to ask?
To feel loved.
Yet I know that I shall not say this to myself.
I know that I runaway.
I know that I feel the need.
I know that I seek what will never be mine.
I know that perhaps it was not meant for me to love.
To live a life of dedication.
To give my all to someone and have them give me their all.
Maybe I was meant to be alone.
To die alone just as I have lived.
We all die.
I might depart this life at any time.
Having no regrets…
At least that’s what I tell myself.
At least that’s what I believe.
But having not have loved and loved fully…
Is it no regret of mine…
Is it not what I sought for so long.
They say you should be good.
They say you will find someone who loves you.
They say and they say and they say.
Is it all not for comfort?
Is it all not out of empathy???
Is it all not because I make them feel sad…
They say Love
They scream about it
Sing about it
Draw about it
Tell stories of it
BUT WHAT IS IT???
WHAT IS IT TO LOVE??
CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN?
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME…
IS IT THE SUN I DON’T SEE
IS IT THE FLOWER I DON’T SMELL
IS IT THE TOUCH I DON’T FEEL
Sometime I start to even wonder if it is even real…
I just know.
That we take things for granted
That we aim for the sky.
I know what it feels like not to be loved when you are ready to give your all
I know what it feels like to be so close yet so far away
I know what it feels like to be thrown out like an old toy
I know what it feels like to be used just as a refugee
I know what it feels like to be taken for granted
I know what it feels like to have listened to a love a song without anyone mind
I know what it feels like to hope for that message from that someone.
I know all the struggles.
I know all the pain.
I know all the stress
It fills me up.
I feel with all of you
All who have wandered the same path as I do.
Maybe my understanding holds little value.
But I offer my all to you…
Maybe you’re looking for the happy ending of this story
Maybe you’re still hopeful that this shall end vague
Maybe you want the main character to live a happy ever after
You feel empathy
But search as you please as you shall not find it here
My story ends as it began
But maybe that’s not such a bad thing
Only when you see the dark shall you appreciate the light
For the bearer of my secrets
The candle in the dark
The refuge in the rain
The star in the night
The fire which burns my heart
The shoulder on which I cry on
It never ends does it…
You can keep this going on forever…
I search for the all in the one…
I search for the perfect in the none…
I search for the impossible…
All a man wants in love
Is for someone to hold their hand and walk with them.
Walk with them on the lonely road of life.
No knowing where to go
Just to walk together
In reassurance that they would never be alone…
Has it all become for the pleasure??
For the Instagram stories
For the “perfect” cold starry nights
For the dinner dates and candles
For the people and not for you
For the money and not for the soul
For the lust and not for the passion
For the never ending fights and pain
They say it is painful to Love
Is it not more painful to having not have Loved…