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Let me tell you my story when i was 16 i was raped by my closest cousin on my dad side and to be honest this was my favorite cousin we always had a love and hate relationship when we was kids but we always knew we were going to be best friend he was like my brother since i dont and that made me feel safe of course i had a brother to look out for me and with a blank of an eye we havent talked in days , weeks, months then years we was living our life of course ... till this day i seen a friend request from someone that looked familiar to me so i accept and i was excited to see that my cousin knew me ... we started talking like if we were best friends again till one night he asked me a weird question "you still have your v card?" when i read it i was so confused but i knew the conversation was going to go deep but i figured it was going to be like him telling me his deepest secret but i was all the way wrong ... i reply "yes i still have it im not rushing it" i was 16 he was 18 or maybe 19 anyways what makes me upset was i should have known something was wrong when he said "would you rather lose it to someone you know or a stranger?" of course i thought he was talking about me giving it up to my boyfriend than to a stranger ... few days later i had practice at a different school it was March FRiday the 13 and i was wearing all black to school and it was crazy because my mom told me it was bad luck but i didnt listen ... long story short i walked to school and seen him we was excited to chill after school so we went back to my aunt house and i was walking to the kitchen for something to drink and he walked behind and got me i tried to run and get away but he thru my bag and i couldnt leave without my bag ... i felt sick to my stomach i was scared to scream because i thought maybe he will hurt me more if i scream plus it was cold and nobody was on the street to hear me yell from inside the house .... seeing my blood on his grey sweater made me hate myself and i knew from that second i wouldnt be the same .. once i got the chance to run i walked home in the cold with blood all over me and because i was wearing black you couldnt tell ... i was so hurt and in pain and confused ... went home to text an old friend and asked what happens when i bleed she said i lose it ... since then when friday the 13 come around i get scared and my depression get so bad i dont want to go out i just want to cry and stay in the dark ... next friday is going to be so hard for me and my mood is going to be terrible .... i kept my secret for years only my husband knows what happen and i thought if i tell on him i would make my family hate me so yeah ... im 21 now and i havent spoken to him... when i see him i put my head down and shut down and i try to face my fear and tell him in his that he is one lucky ass person because i could kill him and take his son away from him but i raised myself to be better than that and god dont like ugly ... thats when depression and anxiety came into my life and made it like hell ... when i told my mom i was raped but never told her who did it she called me a liar can u believe that ? my own mother called me a liar about something so painful so i just never told her the full story ... i dont know if i want this private or public because its my deep secret ... im not ready for next week because i dont know how ima feel ... my dreams are only bad its always someone raping me and i cant see who ...
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Im sorry this happened to you babygirl, I hope you know you NEVER deserved what he did to you. And i know its probably hard to look at him again but you should confront it and tell him how much its affected your life, i honestly think that is how you will be able to let it go. I have faith in you, i really do. I hope it gets better too, i know the memory stays with you for a very long time but grow from that. Youre strong for going through that
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