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i am tired.. i am tired with my life. i am only 24 years old right now, but I feel like I already live look like a mid 40s person. i have mom that having a schyzofrenia. But she still in a denial phase, she never think that she's sick. and today there's something happen..
Actually my mom and my dad already divorced from I was 10 years old, because a financial problem that my mom made. she had too many debt until she needs to runaway to another country. and she got married with another man there.
and i will come back to the problem that happen today. so before the coronavirus happen my mom come back to our country to meet us. but in here she keep make many issues until all my family in here can't stand with her anymore. so I decide to bring her back to her husband country after 3 month staying here. i already ask the husband, can she go back due to the coronavirus and he said can but only need to have self quarantine at home for 14 days.
oya because the hallucination that my mom had, she never trust about coronavirus she always think all of that are scam. and then I bought a ticket for her, so she can go back to meet her husband even I don't have money :( and today is the day.... me and my dad send her to the airport and turn out she can't flight back to her husband country, and he make a scene at the airport until the flight employee want to bring her to the policeofficer. i don't know what to do I cant stand her talking all her nonsense, and make a scene like that. i feel very tired. before this I always involve with all my family problem. 2018-2019 already a hard year for me and I always ask for 2020 at least I can rest a bit. but now it's still and even it feels like getting worse. i feel like nobody can help me. i only want to rest. i really need to. i feel very very overwhelmed until I keep thinking about die. but from the bottom of my heart i still want to live but the thing is that i really want to live normally like a 24 years old girl that usually only think about her boyfriend or her friendship.
I REALLY WANT TO BE HAPPY IS IT REALLY HARD TO BE HAPPY? why my life always harsh to me since i was kid :(
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