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why am i always the one who's alone? what is it about me that's missing? there must be something wrong with me, something that pushes people away. am i supposed to live like this for the rest of my life? is it just my destiny to be lonely? i try and i try but nothing changes. i go to parties and attend events, i talk to people and try to get to know them, i don't have a bad personality that would put people off, i'm not pretty but i always wear nice clothes and do my makeup and hair to look nice. but still i'm always the one who's left out, the one who doesn't get invited, the one who gets cropped out of pictures and forgotten about.
i didn't used to be like this. for the first 15 years of my life i was just like everyone else. i had a big group of friends and i barely spent any time at home. but then something happened. something just took away all the joy and all the people from my life. it's like there's a heavy cloud weighing down on me at all times. is it depression? is that what i have? i've lived in this hell for 7 years now and i'm so tired. do i push people away because i'm so used to being alone? or am i just extremely forgettable and unintresting? is there a cure to this?
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