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This is going to be a log of my sensual times and the days I fall which I hope are not going to be a lot. I'm doing thus because I hope it would help with my addiction.
I openly admit that I am addicted to Ecchi Manga/Anime and I need help. At first I didn't see it as anything and it was "just cartoon boobies" and other stuff and it wasn't real so I thought it wasn't bad.
But then, I found myself wanting more and more all the time and searching for more to no avail. I usually spend like the whole day on an average of six hours reading these dirty mangas and I always end up hating myself for it at the end of the day because I always feel dirty.
Then when I am done, I feel dirty and then I start to feel bad and I ask God for forgiveness. But these days I don't anymore cause before I enter a sort of trans when I'm reading it and my mind just switches off.
Recently, when I am doing it, I am very aware and I still continue but my hands never want to stop scrolling and searching. I feel like a sinner every time and I feel very dirty and I'm tired of it. I always end up hating myself and regretting it for like the rest of the day.
Today I fell, it was bad cause I crossed a line, I was very close to looking to Hentai (anime porn) to find my more but thank God for the Holy Spirit that stopped me. But honestly I really fear that the next time I won't be able to stop myself and then it would only get worse after that and I will find myself trapped in a place I hate and don't want to be in.
I want to stop but I don't know how to. It's just soooo..... good, you know. I'm sorry, as a young Christian I shouldn't be saying this or DOING any of this. I'm supposed to be perfect and be like Jesus and read my Bible and always only do good.
Don't get me wrong, I do love God and I don't regret being a Christian because it is amazing, I just don't know how to control it and I feel like I'm hurting God or making Him sad by doing this and that hurts me because I love Him, He's amazing and has done sooooo much for me and I don't want Him to be disappointed in me.
I used to pray to God to take my hormones away but I heard one day that God allows us have the hormones so we can learn and develop self-control but it has been a long time now and I still don't have any self control and I do pray for His help.
I don't know what to do honestly and I am scared that it is going to get worse and I am going to graduate to real porn which is going to be even worse.
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hey,i know how it feels doing wrong God when you are supposed to do good as a Christian,cause i'm facing the same problems and more to that my dad is a pastor, but lets hope that all this will go away
keep praying.
Replyyhh...
hopefully this goes away soon
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