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I use this word as I feel myself getting more and more closer to disappearing. I wanna be happy healthy pretty much what everyone wants. But I feel like I’m constantly sad and wanting to hurt myself. I’ve felt this way before and have tried to end it all so many times spent most of my teens in an adolescent hospital. I really want to be proud of myself for not going back to that but I feel guilty for feeling proud I haven’t hurt myself in so long and most people would feel like they have accomplished something but me i feel so disappointed and rotten. I just feel disgusting. I used to starve myself and weigh under 6 stone. Now I weigh 13 stone 9 pounds. Would you believe me if I told you that 4 weeks ago I weighed 14 stone 7. I just hate myself so much and eating barely anything makes me feel proud. It’s my way of feeling something.
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When ice melts, it leaves water, When a candle melts it leaves wax. Please believe me that your not closer to disappearing.
I'm so proud of your for not hurting yourself! I'm nearly 3 years clean of physical inflicted pain, I celebrate, ill buy my favourite snacks, put on my favourite films and have a self reflect day. It gets better.
Eating disorders are so difficult to recover from, the distances between falling back into old habits is miniscule, but it still exists.
When I want to feel something ill put on a sad film that hits close to home until I cry so hard I cant breathe, but believe it or not, it helps.
Chin up munchkin, pain isn't forever!
ReplyYou don't say how tall you are but I guess you may be over weight. Please look at yourself in a mirror and tell yourself you are a great worthwhile person who is in no way disappointed and rotten, and does not feel disgusted.
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